Park Slope Pulse-Reflections

Last week I had the amazing blessing to live alone in Park Slope, Brooklyn. It started with a desire that I expressed via facebook and the Universe worked its magic. My friends were leaving town and asked me to cat sit their two cats. While I am allergic to cats it was still an opportunity that I could not resist.

Looking back at this experience, it served as the perfect opportunity to think about my life. I was able to acknowledge that if I was in a relationship, I probably would not have this thought and desire, although it’s exactly what I needed. Moving forward, I want to continue to evaluate my life and ask myself “what do I want?” and go for it. My life should not take a pause or a different direction just because a man is in my life. This rooted lesson speaks so loudly to me now.

I really enjoyed the space and taking care of myself, the cats and the apartment. It’s so obvious to me that I am ready and need a place of my own. In 2006 I moved into my own apartment in Brooklyn, but I was not satisfied or ready for such change. It was scary to live alone and I always felt so isolated. I shortly moved in with my friend and had a wonderful 2 year living experience with her. From this short experience I lost that fear of living alone and feeling isolated. Furthermore, I now know more about me and my needs. I do not want a big space; I want a cozy, comfortable home in a neighborhood (park slope) that promotes young professionals. I want to provide myself with this stability and home. So I am moving to Brooklyn between September 1s and October 1st. This is a decision that is driven by me- not my family, not a boy, not friends, not any one but me, and for this reason, I feel powerful. I feel in control of my own life and that I am not waiting for a man to come and provide this home for me.

Besides the fact that I was able to jump into a cute dress and walk to a wine bar or go to a restaurant of my choice that was also walking distance, I was able to sleep peacefully and “come home.” I was able to unplug and just enjoy the simple existence of being. The commute to work was short, the nights were peaceful and the mornings were lovely.

Now, I am left super grateful to my friends who provided me with this opportunity. I have a sense of power and direction. I ‘m excited about building my home. I know that my life is heading in the right direction and I am very happy about that.
As part of the journey to fall in love with myself comes making decisions to be happier, healthier and provide myself with a present and a future that promotes self love. I will not wait for someone to rescue me or provide me with stability. I have no excuse not to live the life that I want to live. I know I need to continue to focus on me and do loving acts where I can be proud of myself and I can be a person who I think is worthy of all kinds of love!

By LunaLove

Deal Breakers- Are they important?

I read a book a while back “If the Buddha Dated” and it put a lot of my emotional desires into words; dating through fairness and compassions, without games and expectations but always keeping true to yourself and your partner’s well being. While I still follow a lot of these recommendations, I’ve also had to grow a tougher skin with men and dating.

Not all men are created equal. There are a lot of people in this world that do not have the same values as you do. This is a good thing, but how do you get to know what it is that you are looking for? Along with the wonderful journey of falling in love with your self are establishing boundaries, a back bone, being able to say no, being able to choose, being able to articulate what you need and want without guilt and ultimately taking care of your wholeness- having standards!

Listen men have standards, well most men do, its pretty much black or white with them and it might be a reason why they are “less confused.” So I’m getting standards or deal breakers. After wasting an outfit with someone who I would never speak to again, I realized that I need a clear list of- NOs. If this is not what is accessible to me then it’s a deal breaker, I’m sailing away and I’m learning how to control my ship pretty well so that it does not come back!

So here is the deal, I do think deal breakers are good. You have them because you know who you are! If you do not have them, you might want to think about getting one or two. Deal breakers are not meant to be a way to close the door on people but in a life where you/ I come first, I want to be able to have my feet grounded.

Deal breakers are not suppose to be superficial or ignorant but they are suppose to be true to you. They are not supposed to be defended with everyone around you, but they should be realistic. Important things in life have standards or a list of things that makes you eligible- a job, getting a loan, buying a house, even health/life insurance, so my life has to be just as important. I’m getting some deal breakers baby!!

My deal breakers are pretty much a self reflection of who I am and should often be revisited, afterall we grow and evolve. Be confident and get some deal breakers!


My Deal Breakers!

1- Patient-short temper people and I will never be good
2- Great hygiene and personal wellness, takes care of his body, mind and living environment, including his teeth and body odor, and the bed he sleeps in.
3- A job that he enjoys or feels satisfied with and can pay for a nice meal.
4- In the future would like to have children and raise them TOGETHER.
5- Short men- sorry.
6- Dresses age appropriate- includes no electronics, clothing that light up and tight shorts.
7- Can communicate easily about anything/if I feel like I am having a conference with a 4th grader or acting as your therapist, then it’s a deal breaker. “How’s does that make you feel?”
8- Picks up phone when I call, most of the time. Don’t ignore me!!!
9- Someone who doesn’t work for pleasure in the bed room (copyright ER)
10- I need to feel butterflies…come on.. this is life and love not a job interview

I’m keeping these deal breakers.. in the past I dated people that should not have made it, but because I didn’t have these standards, I wasted my time! Now I can enjoy more moments because my deal breakers are at work!

Top 3 most popular deal breakers from the ladies that were kind enough to share! Thank you!
1- Bad breath/ teeth/ dirty long finger/toe nails
2- Broke/Cheap/ Job less
3- No sense of humor or laughs at our jokes

My favorite- Some who talks about them and doesn’t ask me about me! Hahaha

What are some of your deal breakers!
By Lunalove

What have I done for me lately?

1- Treated myself to a sexy black summer dress…
2- Ordered my Isagenix chocolate supplement shake, despite of who it reminds me of- this shake is amazing! It does wonders for my wellness
3- I did try non-organic meat and did not get sick. But I realized that I want to continue eating less meat, but when I crave it, its okay to eat it
4- Took myself to dinner, yes all by myself (its actually a favorite thing for me to do)..this time a strange man paid for my dinner! AWESOME
5- I’ve been sleeping well…in Brooklyn!!! Not feeling guilty and just enjoying the simple blessing that I can go home and unplug.

What have you done for you this week?

Conversation via text messages...

Friday:
Guy- Hey, how are you? I was wondering if you wanted to get drinks on Thursday. It’s been a while.
Me- Hi, sounds like a good idea. I might be busy on Thursday, what about Wednesday?
Guy- I might be working on Wednesday.
Me- Oh
Guy- okay, I can do Thursday.
Me- oh ok, I will let you know by Sunday (I did not say yes)

Monday:
Guy- Hey, are we still on for Thursday?
Me- (I thought the no response was a big hint)Oh, idk, I keep canceling on my friend and I don’t want to cancel again. She has an event going on. (I think I can find a friend with an event on Thursday, so I am not lying)
Guy- we can do Wednesday, I want to take you to a live show in midtown
Me- oh, sounds fun….let me see
Guy- we can do Wednesday, I hope I am not pushing it
Me- (after pondering for 30 minutes…and YES YOU ARE PUSHING IT) ok, you can pick me up at union st
Guy- ok, where is union st? I can do that
Me- stop before pacific, (aren’t you from Brooklyn, I can’t trust a man who does not know his neighborhood) lets talk details the day of (clearly im not interested, if i was i would want deets right now)
Guy- what time?
Me- (I thought I said we can talk deets later) 6:45
Guy- okay, see you then

Tuesday thoughts!
I really do not want to go. I thought I was clear with him. I admit I was not straight forward because I did not want to be mean.. we did go to HS together but my straight forward text would have been. “I don’t think I will have fun, and I am not interested.”

This process should be about me and doing things that make me happy…being loving to self and harboring around peace. I am STRESSED!! How do I tell this guy, NO? I think I gave enough hints. Ok… so now what? I’m giving myself until 6pm today to text him another cancelation and then I will not respond. I need to grow a tough skin.

FYI- I like mature men for many reasons but one of them is that they won’t plan a date via text messages and they won’t text more then 3 times. Pick up the phone gents!

Repeat- It’s not then end of the world! I am not bitter/angry (just a little bit will not hurt)....eventually I will date again (oh the thought of that makes me sick)..besides I will be so mean to this guy and he doesnt deserve...

Help... any thoughts on what i can message this guy?

By LunaLove

It’s less complicated...weekend recap

Recap- since this is my space….


Thursday
Happy hour/happy night /maybe just a little bit too many glasses.. but thats how I am!
Met a man- he was Greek (34) and tall and we had nice conversation. He asked me if he could take me out on a date. (Now that was straight forwarded, usually its less traditional and they call it “dinner”..I love a man who can call it what it is!) He did take my number but hasn’t called but the great thing was, I know he is not “the one.” Since I am a lot like Charlotte from SATC, this is a big deal. I think everyone is “the one”..after a conversation I am planning the wedding... I felt in control, like I could decide and there werent any wedding bells. I hope he does not call.

Friday
Picked up the keys to the Park Slope apartment that I will be staying at for a week, although today I might stay with my grandma- she makes me happy and I already need space from the cats.
Great lunch with my friend.. I love how she knows the lunch specials.. I had the best garlic mushroom and spinach.
South Street Seaport with so many great women..I was happy to see so many of them happy and working at love-moving in with relationship, engaged, buying homes, starting new relationships and in the process of letting go.

On my way home, I stopped to enjoy some fireworks in staten island... then it was all about the Zzzzz.

Saturday
Atlantic City with a lot of people, including loud aunts, mom, and grandma. I need to keep family events to a minimum.
I won $46.00 and my dinner was $47.00, so it was almost free!
I order a great bottle of wine- Caposaldo Pinot Grigio 2008 (I started a wine list- this will make me less dependant and “wowed” when a man can order a good wine, now I will have my own list) Headed to a beach party where I saw a newlywed (note to self, not having a wedding in AC)
Dance by myself and definitely felt free and complete.
On the way back, a handsome guy (27) asked to sit next to me and he spoke to me for 2 hours (well the 90 miles from AC to Perth Amboy, NJ) He asked for my number and if i was seeing anyone...I gave him my BBM and then “accidently” it got erased. It’s less complicated that way. I told him I was not looking but he ignored that part. I guess its true, when you arent looking the male species will hunt!


Sunday
I realized that I need to “break up” with my mother and space will make our relationship stronger.
I packed and moved my things to the apartment in Brooklyn. It made me realize how much I want a studio apt in Park Slope.. so in the Fall I will have one!
I met one of my BFF’s for unlimited champagne and the Mets + FIFA game.
Took a walk and enjoy some ice coffee in Park Slope, boy was it hot yesterday.
Watch TV and suddenly it ALL came down to me:
I have control of the things I choose, I need to be proactive about my hapiness and life.. and I am on the road to getting my life back.
I realized that I can not control anyone or the world but I can control my thoughts and feelings. The more time I spend with me, the less I will worry about other people.
I made a list of the things I want to focus on…and it feels great!
I realized you are not suppose to be happy all the time but you can still enjoy life
Did not sleep much but being in an apartment alone gave me answers!

I am allergic to the cats I am sitting...but I loved caring for them, so I might get a pet.. like fish or a turtle.

Thoughts on online dating:

E-harmony, Match, Chemistry, Ok Cupid, and some others that are probably too shady to mention are all very familiar dating sites. I’ve had an online dating profile since the summer of 2007! Coincidently that was also the summer of a very difficult break-up. Three years later, I am over the 5 year relationship that was more like the “never ending story” and I am also over online dating. All accounts have been terminated, resigned, closed for business! What liberation.

So I guess I started online dating as a result of not meeting anyone interesting and feeling pressured to be in a relationship, while balancing a full time job in a very busy city. Looking back I probably was just not confident enough and not ready to deal with the pressure of meeting someone spontaneously.

Here is what I think about online dating:

1- It’s an easier/ convenient way to meet someone.
2- …………………………..

Ok, now this is really what I think of online dating:

1- Its really over rated, while it’s a trendy way to meet someone, you are also taking a huge risk- a lot of these men/women are escaping from either a bad break up, want to find a season cuddle buddy, really are not sure of what they are looking for, could be desperate, just want someone to text message to avoid feeling lonely.
2- It’s easy to lie on your profile.
3- Is it really organic? So many people have access to this that it’s really the same pool of confusion.
4- It’s hard- going on interviews for about 3 years and not having met “Mr. Right” has been exhausting. Take breaks from it.
5- Online daters fail to realize that just like any relationship, nothing is guaranteed and it takes work to develop any true connection.
6- Tip: put all the energy and time you spend on online dating on yourself and you might have a bigger chance of meeting someone with genuine potential.

My suggestions after 3 years of doing this would be, have fun with it, be cautious because you really do not know ANYTHING about these individuals, enjoy free dinners or cocktails, but just because they are on a dating site does not mean that they are looking for a serious relationship. Do not share too much, take things slow, and when your time comes you will meet your other half via online dating or, through a family function, or on the subway or maybe you already know each other.

I’ve learned an important lesson- you can not rush life or love! Be confident, love yourself, have fun with your life- even with your single/alone life, smile and when the time is right you will meet Mr./ Ms. Right. I know that when my time if right, and I might have to date myself for the next 3 years, I will meet Mr. Right.

Was it fun? Yes
Was it what I needed? Yes
Will I do it again? Probably not, I am not in a rush

By Lunalove

Cheers to friends and sisters!

There is nothing like support from friends and sisters! So I’m of to happy hour with two girl friends! YAY, yes very exciting, I keep thinking "should I have a margarita on the rocks or stick with pinot?" How I love that this is the only “confusion” in my life. So life if good!

But it gets better, one friend invited a single guy friend who after he saw my facebook picture, he said I was a “cutie.” Oh yea :) But this post is not about him, its my space, although he is pretty cute himself, again… this is my time to shine and enjoy ME! 6 months can fly away pretty quickly.

Oh, yes…back to friends and family....

So my sister (the one I have yet to mention aka the other twin who I believe is sometimes unsupportive of me dating because she thinks that the right guy will find me even if I am locked up in my room watching TV and will take me to the alter after 2 weeks of courting, because guys know right away when they love a woman- my mother has the same approach she is 47) well, yesterday when I came home SUPER tired and I did not have any piece of me that wanted to straighten my hair offered to put her online graduate work on pause and dry my hair! This was amazing love from her. She does not support any thing that has to do with a guy that is not "serious" about me. (She is also the sister I always cry to when my heart is broken...but im straightening my hair for happy hour, not for a guy... !)

This morning she lends me her purple bag because I needed “color” to go with my sexy professional black look (it’s the look that floats my boat) and then writes on my wall “I hope you have a great time tonight.” Super shocking, but super supportive and sweet!

My friends have been so….. what’s the word I am looking for, SUPPORTIVE this whole week about me and happy hour! Yes, I will continue to say that its happy hour and not a “set up 1st date.” From the out-fit to the place we are heading to, it’s all been covered! The energy is great!Everything should be done with girlfriends...everything is all set and I am not waiting till 3:45 to receive a text that has the plans for 5pm.. THIS IS AMAZING!! Friendship is awesome; a small touch of love and support can go such a long way!

I think I might do pinot, the last time I did margaritas or anytime I do any tequila wild things happen. I’ll save the margaritas for Mexico. Stay tune for my weekend updates!

PS: Keeping in mind a tweet I read today from The Daily Love: “Your soul mate doesn’t complete you: your soul mate is a reflection of you”

Cheers to friends and sisters!

By LunaLove

Wonder Wheel Blues

So it’s not Valentine’s day or Christmas, but it sure feel like it!! Either I try not to think about a silly Independence Day celebration or I create plans…..pronto!

There are about 15+ days left to make plans. What will this accomplish? Will I liberate myself by making plans or is the holiday anxiety getting the best of me? (I'm afraid so...wonder wheel blues I call them!)

Wouldn’t it be lovely to spend a weekend by the beach with my love, good food and pinot grigio, or I would settle for a veggie BBQ with my lover and friends… but since this is ALL about being HAPPY all by myself…aka… SINGLE, what do I do with the holiday/wonder wheel blues?

So I must tacke another challenege! Ready, set, GO!

Task:

How to create a great 4th of July weekend/day, without thinking about how great last year’s Grimaldi’s by Dumbo experience was? (looking back now, it wasn’t great.. it was a waste of my time..ugh..anyway)

Background:

1- I almost never have a great time with family- scratch them out of the plan ( I’m so glad I am honest with myself now)

2-I will not be happy alone in my house (probably would just facebook stalk people and forget about all my blessings)

3-I probably want to put on a cute outfit together (yes, yes, yes)

4-Drinks and fireworks make me happy (a little vino or summer ale always makes memories sweeter)

5-Can’t drink and drive so….(need a FULL plan)

Plan:

1-Email friends (check)

2-Now let the Universe bring me the plans…check in with the Universe/plan by June 28th

Is anyone else experiencing holiday blues? I keep telling myself after 4th of July it is only going to be July 5th….no big deal, so BREATHE! I will be okay.. as long as I got me babe! :)

By LunaLove

Healthy Habits

“No one is in charge of your happiness except you”

So if I’m in charge…these are some of my healthy habits

1- Do pray/meditate… make it a healthy habit

2- Do YOGA....even if its once a week

3- Do run/jog around the park…even if its once a week

4- Do order a bottle of wine and share it with great company

5- Do schedule mani/pedicures

6- Do drunk text your best friends, better yet tweet while you are drunk..its fun

7- Do eat healthy but also delicious things

8- Do keep a personal journal where you can keep up with your herstory

9- Do buy yourself nice things

10- Do look at yourself in any mirror/window you see..especially down fashion avenue and stare.."yes I am looking at ME”

11- Do smile at yourself in the morning and say “you are beautiful”

12- Do laugh at yourself out loud, if you cant think of something you did that was funny..START living

13- Do everything to get rid of things that do not let you sleep!

14- Do remind yourself that life is a journey not a destination..be kind and forgive yourself

15- Do day dream, especially if you cannot remember your night dreams

16- Do what you need to do, and say what you need to say b/c “those who matter do not mind”

17- Do keep up with Netflix..enjoy the movie all by yourself

18- Do wear red lipstick, short shorts and things that make you feel pretty

19- Do count your blessings..like list them, write them down and give thanks

20- Do what makes you happy!

What are some of your healthy habits?
By Lunalove

Phone Education- How long do you wait to respond?

Phone Education- How long do you wait to respond?

How long should you take to respond to a text or call? What is appropriate verses rude and unacceptable behavior?

A friend told me, “It depends on the person.” OUCH! So, the longer you wait to respond to me means what exactly? It’s so hard for me to not respond right away. Granted sometimes, very few times, since my blackberry is always with me, it takes me 20 minutes. If I don’t respond within the hour, I may never respond or I am playing the “let me chase and come and chase me” game. So the next time someone takes a very long time to respond (you decide what is long, depending on occupation and time of day) you might have to see what kind of person you are to the receiver.

I think one of my dating anxieties was this “waiting to respond/ or reply game.” Am I more likeable if I am rude and unresponsive? Guys, get it together! How can you live like this! I guess I don’t have to worry about being me any more. I will respond as soon as I get it; its respectful and common courtesy. Does it take “self love” points away from me if I take 45 seconds to text you back? NO!

Respond when you can! Whether its seconds after receiving the text or hours, but the waiting EVERY TIME to seem more desirable is bullshit! Even with girlfriends. I have a friend that has been taking on average one week to respond to simple advice on cooking or makeup or whatever. Now if you keep bullshit around then you aren’t making room for self worth…so don’t settle for a long awaited response its 2010 and people are attached to their smartphones!

Or maybe there is too much thinking and effort involved in texting back? (I don’t know if I believe that) What do I know, I’m still single! I guess just stay true to you. If you are at a yoga class in the middle of a sun salutation, maybe its not a good time, but come on, yoga class is about 90 minutes anyway, BUT…. what do I know!!!

Can’t help but hear all my girlfriends saying “DON’T RESPOND RIGHT AWAY, PRETEND THAT YOU ARE BUSY”

By LunaLove

How not to date!

How not to date!

Hello terrible twenties!! So after almost a full decade of horrible dating experiences and trying to navigate through “unofficial relationships” I am finally at a place where I never thought I would be. I have decided not to date for a while. My online dating sites have been deactivated and my chemistry.com membership will be canceled June 22.

How many times have you been told “Maybe you should be alone for a little while?” Well, every time I end an unofficial relationship (I always think after months of courting and dating that we are in a “not labeled” relationship but my partner(s) always think differently). One guy was surprised that I asked him “So you aren’t interested in dating me anymore?

After weekend getaways to Atlantic City, Hamptons, and his place, biweekly dinners, bed and breakfast, happy hours, personal foot rubs, romantic candle lit nights, and just for two dancing to Bob Marley and LL Cool J while enjoying the finest fines in his living room… I thought we weren’t dating. Apparently, we were just friends. Welcome to 2010 friendships and call me traditional!

Well, my older (and married) sister hits me with the same thing, “Maybe you need to be alone for a while, love yourself” I thought if I love myself anymore I will need to file for bankruptcy and turn into the 1st asexual human being, BUT there is nothing wrong with being 26 ½ and wanting to be alone. Right? It’s not like I am giving up, just taking a “leave of absence” and for the most important person.. ME!

I will confess the idea of being alone was SCARY! No one to take me to dinner, no one to call at night, no one to do weekend activities with, no missed calls or random text messages, no one to cuddle with or share your last piece of dessert with. No Man! Then I realized, I haven’t had any one this in years and if I get a taste of it, its always bitter sweet, I’m always just a stepping stone!

Just of the record, I’ve had men who, don’t show up to dinner, don’t call me back, dump me via text message, call me at 2AM, ask me to pay the bill, aren’t “available” and cant cuddle because either they don’t want to get emotionally attached or have plans with their “boy” at 10AM on Saturday morning!

Anyway, I think its time to build a healthier approach to self love, and catch myself when I fall! The plan is to delete all past boys from my life, and focus on me, myself and I- creating a love life for me and blogging/ranting about the journey.

6 wonderful months of peace and calmness and I want to blog/twitter (lunalove321...add me) about it.
So very simple, here are the rules.

How not to date:
1- No talking on the phone for more then 10 minutes, and only once a week.. (assuming someone does call/ or is interested)
2- No dinner dates. Only lunch dates and NO more then 2 per month. (The chances of me getting drunk off mimosas or sangria during lunch is unlikely, so I will be 100% or 98% sure of my choices)
3- No holding hands. (this CLEARLY is an HUGE indication that you like me)
4- No sex (that’s pretty much a given…once that happens I clearly think you are my boyfriend)
5- No cooking for a man (which includes picnics and making him a sandwich, furthermore, I don’t want him cooking for me either.)
6- No gifts, even if it’s as simple as a card or Tylenol
7- No emailing, no writing on your facebook wall or returning pokes!
8- No meeting friends or family
9- No sleepovers! (Might have to change this in August when I move to the city!)
10- No commitment, wedding, engagements talk or future planning of no sorts!

Now lovers, any thing else I should add to this list? How do you NOT date?

*And of course I am willing to make friends but friends, just friends, like second grade friends not junior year in college friends.

By LunaLove