Peaceful holiday!

With all of the holiday cheers and all my single twitter-people or tweeps I got caught up with the joy of things. I usually hit the GREAT DEPRESSION when it comes to holidays. I get sad because I am single, I can not sleep, I over criticize every fiber of me and pick at all my insecurities. I either over plan my days or avoid everyone but this time around I felt peace and happiness instead of cold anxiety.

I’m excited about Christmas and what my family calls “Noche Buena.” I don’t even mind that I have to take a train to a bus to finally arrive to my mother’s house. I am bringing a pie because I want to. My mom’s policy is if you come without a plus one you do not have to bring anything, so I get to freeload off all the pluses. I just want to enjoy the songs, food (I think I’ve been enjoying this too much lately, but I’ll worry about this January 3rd), the laughter and the fact that I have a family that after all my bumps always welcome me home. Even with New Years eve- I haven’t thought that I will be dateless. I just want to leave the old and welcome the New Year with a warm big smile.

How did I get to this place of holiday peace? I think it was a lot of acceptance, zero tolerance for self-sabotaging and knowing and hoping that this is not forever. One day I will have the date on NYE and one day I will be asked to come and meet the parents and one day I will be stressing about what gift to buy my future boyfriend. I’m a catch- I know this will happen! For now, I want to embrace the peace and blessings that I have and think about all the possibilities and opportunities that 2011 can bring me.

I think I caught myself ;-)

Happy Holidays… best,
Lunalove

A SUPER BOWL week

This past week, while out in the bar scene, I scored not once but twice! TOUCHDOWN ALL THE WAY- well not exactly but twice in one week a stranger walked over to me and asked me for my digits…talk about a confidence booster to end the year!

A bit of history about me and maybe this excitement will make sense.

1)I NEVER GET ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!
2)Summer 2009- last time someone asked me for my number at a bar- we texted once of twice but that was it.
3)Summer 2010- a stranger buys me dinner; the sweet romantic way where I ask for my bill and the waitress tells me that the man that just walked out paid for my food. He didn’t leave a number but it was a great achievement or moment for me.
4)Summer 2010- present- well let’s just say I get my confidence from online dating.

As I am trying to “put in the work” to meet people and also noticing my unsuccessful track record with online dating, I am trying to meet someone the old fashion way AKA, a stranger walks over to you, compliments you and asks you if he could call you or take me out some time.

I thought I was setting myself up for disappointment because I’m not a fashionista, so I will not attract men with my feminine silhouette and I am not forward enough to even smile at a stranger—

So my mantra has been- go out there and have some fun! Isnt this what every coach tells their players?

TOUCHDOWN # 1

Last Monday during the Jet’s defeat a very nice gentleman approached my friend and asked her if I was single. (Do I appear like I am with anyone when I go out?) She asked me to speak to him but I kept screaming at my fantasy boyfriend QB Mark Sanchez and ignored her suggestion. But then the gentleman proceeded to HUNT further and he did the traditional....

“I think you are very attractive, my name is Allan, is it okay if I talk to you for a little bit?” So we chatted, I smiled, and he asked me for my number!!! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!! Throughout the week he texted me but of course it has died down and he didn’t seal the deal with a date. His lost, I still scored.

TOUCHDOWN # 2

This one came out of no where! Saturday night, a spontaneous night out with my girlfriend, I met another toad, who I really hope I can soon kiss and find out if he is a prince. My friend and I wanted some air and walked outside the lounge. There were two gentlemen who immediately started talking to us. I think it was my smile or my sarcastic response to his guess of my ethnicity that hooked him in. He moved closer to me and asked me about a million questions in about 3 minutes “ What’s your name? Where are you from? What do you do? Where do you live?” I decided to go back inside and shook his hand..(That was weird from me but it just happened.. I guess his energy made me a bit nervous.)

Two minutes later he says hello again and asked if he could buy me a drink. Was this really happening to me? For the next hour the other 2 million questions were asked “what do you like to eat? Where did you go to school? Do you like to travel? Are you married, engaged, single..and why?” I finally asked him a few questions because although I do not like to be interviewed this time I just felt good about the same questions I am asked on every date. He said he was a psychotherapist originally from Ohio or Illinois with German background (which I guessed) and now resides in Manhattan. NO WONDER IT WAS SO EASY TALKING TO HIM, its what he does for living. So my friend tried to pry us apart and he got the hint and asked for my number and left to another bar. TOUCHDOWN!!

In the morning I felt really good about him and I hoped he would call or text. He did and although he asked to see me again on Saturday and said "it was really nice meeting you", we did not confirm anything. So now I am left wondering if we are meeting Saturday evening or not….but I do want to see him again.

So maybe that stupid advise that people give me and I refuse to believe does work “you meet people when you are not looking.”

I have a good feeling about the therapist so send me all your positive and GRAND energies….

Best,
Lunalove

..and just like that I knew....

“The very 1st time I saw him I knew he was the one.” How many times have you heard this? A lot?.... me too! “It’s like you don’t know what you are looking for but when you find him you definitely know.”

This almost fairytale message gives me so much hope and I am a believer.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare with my X lover and throughout the day I pulled all my coping strategies so I would not PANIC.

1- I spoke to myself in the shower

2- I cried

3- I journal

4- I listened to happy music

5- I wrote my feelings to two completely different people with polar personalities

6- I gave myself permission to think about him

7- I reminded myself of all the bad qualities he has

8- I reminded myself of all the great qualities that I have

9- I accepted the situation by reliving it and then I let it go

10- I went to the gym, as much as I hate going to that place I went.



So by mid-afternoon I was okay again and another important question dawned upon me.


Every winter my office-mates ask me what color I am going to paint my office. This Friday will make my 3rd year anniversary at this job, and for 3 years I could not decide on what color to paint my office. I just don’t like any of the colors I have seen and I did not want to COMMIT to PAINT.. that’s like eternal! I would stay white until I found the perfect color. So my aggressive me asked as politely as possible, “what the hell are you waiting for, pick a color” and then my passive me said as direct as possible, “I am not ready, I don’t like any of the colors, do not pressure me with my choice.”


Then as I was walking back to my office from my 20 minute cardio work out, I took a different route… (Oprah said I should take different routes when I am not feeling too great.) As I entered the “new” stair cases I suddenly saw birds, and lights, and angels and THE COLOR!!!

Aggressive and passive me both agreed that we could not only live with this color but it was a happy lavender.

LAVENDER is not in my favorite color schemes (but then I open up my blog page and feel silly, guess it is now)- but as soon as I saw the color I fell in love…...and just like that I knew it was the one!

"The one" has been staring about me all this time and closer then I thought and not in my "list" of things I like... guess that's just the way it goes.

So the hope is there…. One day I will see the birds, angels and lights with a man, my life partner.. until then... I will keep loving me and keeping hope alive.



Best,

Lunalove

Letting go.. a little bit easier!

Three years ago I was on the "N" train crossing the Brooklyn Bridge on my way to work. That weekend I had signed a 3 year lease on a 2008 car. It also coincided with my new job and my leap to new beginnings but I could only think about one thing, “What would my life be like 3 years from now, winter of 2010?” I thought, “Maybe I would be in a relationship.” Obviously we all know the answer to that one....

Three years later I am not in a relationship and due to the economy I returned the lease and opted to save money instead of owning a car. However, I learned some priceless lessons about letting go.

As I was returning my car I felt a sense of loss. I am very fortunate to have all my family members, even the ones I don’t like- therefore I have not experience a tragic loss. The biggest sense of loss has been with a boy leaving me- abandoning me. This is one of the reasons why when I get dumped it feels like a funeral (sometimes a Russian funeral because I bring out the Vodka). I just have not lost a lot of people or things in this lifetime (knock on wood)- well besides my wallet that I used to lose every season- but all of that was replaceable. It's hard for this lady to deal with relationship loss so life is teaching me how to "let go."

So....how would I deal with not having my baby Emmanuel, my car!! We shared so many great moments especially on my road trip to Georgia with my best friend and driving to D.C to see another X-lover. But none the less I took this weekend to get it together and made some connections between letting my car go and letting my past lover(s) go.

1- I no longer have to wake up early or stay up late looking for the right street to park my car in.
a. Without my X-lover I don’t have to worry if I am getting my period or what time he will call or if he will call and most importantly his snoring doesn’t wake me up. I dont have to WONDER!

2- I get to save money!
a. I have time for self development- like taking a cake decorating class which I am doing next month. Money equals freedom and without my X-lover I am flying solo and can be anywhere and leave at whatever time I please!

3- It’s done so I cant bring it back by thinking about it.
a. He left, so I cant bring him back by thinking about him. It's simple- i get the sitting in with feelings and dealing with them but after a while and its been about 6 months, he is not coming back! My thoughts can be used somewhere else.

4- I get to think of my next car
a. I get to think about my next lover- the one without he big nose, who doesn’t snores and sleeps with his sexually frustrated dog. I get to think about the next big thing!! YESSSSSSSSS

I cherish the moments and count the blessings and lessons that I learned but it’s OKAY to let go and move. (this is about my car and my X-lover)

So letting go just means more empty space or less baggage. As soon as I left the car dealership my purse was literally lighter and I’m applying the lightness to my heart-why chase someone who doesn’t want to be loved by me, its best to embrace the lightness I have because he is out of my awesome life!

Letting go is easier then I make it out to be- there is no point in holding on to a car/love that is no longer mine. It’s best to test drive new cars and lovers for my future investment.

..and just like the imagine I am a beautiful lady letting go of the balloons that I know are not coming back!

Best,
Lunalove

DailyOM- Part of the Process

I think this Daily Om is great! This summer i felt stuck more then ever in my life. When I closed my eyes I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean without a breeze.. just STUCK! This Om...was helpful and I wanted to share it with you. Life is hard, change is hard, the unknown is hard, but all the Universe is asking from us is a small step and the rest will follow.

Best,
Lunalove

Part of the Process
Feeling Stuck
If you are feeling stuck in your life, it is possible you are clinging to an old reality or thoughts.


When we feel stuck in our lives it's important to take stock of what is going on and find out if there is something we are doing or not doing that is keeping us stuck. Sometimes the situation is out of our control, and we need to look within to find the patience required to wait with equanimity until things move forward again. Many times, though, we can find the source of our stagnation in our own hearts and minds. Sometimes we are clinging to old ideas about reality and we need to make adjustments that will bring us back in tune with life, so we can flow again. Sometimes we find that fear of change is what's keeping us stuck, and we can resolve to find ways of facing that fear.

If introspection does not provide the answers we need, it can sometimes be helpful to ask those around you if they notice anything obvious that you might not be able to see. Remember to ask someone whom you can trust to be kind and sensitive as well as honest. Try to let go of your resistance because whenever there is something we can't see ourselves, it's because we don't want to see it. Try to listen with an open mind, and remember that you are always the final judge of what you need. Anything offered to us from an outside source will need to be processed within before its wisdom can take hold.
In all this, be kind to yourself and remember that we all get stuck sometimes. Think of it as a part of your process, a necessary step on your journey, rather than as a problem that shouldn't be happening. This can help to keep your frustration at bay and give you the space you need to take a deep breath and really figure out what's going on.

http://www.dailyom.com/

Things I love Right now..

27 YEARS OLD!

Two months ago I turned 27 years old-yes not young but old. I am a fairly optimistic person so it’s strange that I do not use young at the end of 27. Relatively I know I am still young but not as young as when people tell me in their pity voices, “don’t worry about being single, you are still so young.”

The most obvious greatness about this age is that I am happier with myself. I feel at peace, secure and very comfortable. The not so great lingering thought is when people- and it happens about once a week, tell me that I am young. It usually happens when they ask me about my dating life. I don’t get too worked up about their “you are young” comment as much as I get upset with myself for agreeing!

So yes, I smile back and say yes I am still young, I have not met Mr. Right but I am still young!!!

YEA right- the honest truth is that I do not think I am that young. I come from a traditional Latino home and 27 and single is a red flag for “you might not be gay but maybe you don’t like men.” But forget what my family thinks, when I go to bars, I am no longer the 24 year old single girl with a great smile and looking for a nice evening. I am the 27 year old single who is usually with the 2 other couples (yes I’m usually a 5th wheel.) Ok, so I am over bar scene so I hang out with my friends but i cant help but think that their lives are so much different then mine because they have been in their live in relationships for years and i am the "other."

It’s okay that I am single but let’s not say that I am young in this context….

I am 27 and have been an over achiever for most of my life. It’s hard when I keep pushing the marriage/mother age as I continue to do.

Furthermore, last night I went to a young professional singles event and I felt like a chaperon; most of the attendees where between 22-25 years young. 27 is not far from 25 but it’s closer to 30.

My job for self improvement this week is to appreciate all that comes with my age- I surely do not want to do the mistakes I did at 24 so I am much more comfortable here, but if people could be more sensitive and realistic about 27, that would help a lot. The next time someone says “you are still young” I will agree to disagree. For grandkids I am young for a date on a Friday night I am past due.

I can not control not being with Mr. Right but I can control how I react and how i communicate my feelings with others.

By Lunalove

1/2 of My Generation

I get an upset stomach when I think of that new “hit” television show “My generation.”

10 years is a lot to review and why remind me of the past? After the show is over I am left feeling so depressed, so I stopped watching it. I am not saddened by my own life, but by the idea of knowing how much can happen in the next 10 years. NOPE I don’t like it!

I had lunch with a college friend, also my X-lover. He reminded me that it’s been 5 years since commencement. So I did an exercise that is worth doing. I shifted thoughts and did some simple positive thinking.

Here is what I thought about:

Professional/Career
5years ago- I was applying to NYC teaching fellows and Teach for America.
What has happened since (WHHS) I made NYCTF, I earned a Masters in Education. I did not like it, I found a job in higher education and now I am waiting for my tenure decision…tick tock tick tock

Habitat
5 Years ago- I was living with my friends in Johnson City, NY. I was not even thinking of how many “homes” I will have in the years to come.
WHHS? I moved back home, then with my friend where our apartment was broken into, then I moved by myself and I realized I was not ready for that, then with my other friend and then back home and now I am living alone. Now I am ready!

Love (of course)
5 years ago-
Single and trying to see if my X boyfriend and I would have another chance since I was moving back to NYC.
WHHS? We tried but ended up breaking up for good. I tried so hard to move on, forget, heal, and date again. I dated some interesting people.
1- The sexy and hot marine/secret agent. He was not for me- too controlling and I learned not to date a man who is trying to get a divorce
2- The sexy social worker- he was working more on his social life then anything else.
3- The trader- he broke my heart but I put it back together.

What has happened in your life these past 5 years?

LunaLove

Just dance...

Something happened last night around 7 or 8 o’clock, something HUGE! I was sitting watching or trying really hard to find something to watch besides the Yankee game and I felt a very powerful energy lift me up and I started dancing in my living room. Yes- all alone, just dancing, excreting energy, but let me explain something about myself, and this will all make sense.

When I was younger, I knew I had way too much energy for my own good. My mother new that as well and would tell me “control your self” -HA, but I did not know how. The best thing my mom could think of was to put me in teams in school- so I played for the Lady Jaguars, then Lady General’s basketball team in middle school and joined a bowling league on the weekends while attending Catholic classes and keeping my grades above a 90 average. Then in high school I joined the cheerleading team and excelled without knowing much about gymnastic but by tryouts I had one of the best toe-touchs on the team. All this however was not enough, I would always feel a crazy energy around 7 or 8 o’clock and I would just dance in my living room. I did this alone or in front of people because I could not think of any thing else to do with such a powerful energy. In college, I did the same thing. My poor roommate thought I was crazy for dancing in front of a mirror and somewhere around sophomore year I stopped dancing. Something changed, I lost myself; something was taken away from me. Maybe it’s when my depression started—yea that was it, I have not been the same person in my own skin since then. Until last night—I started dancing again and WOW what joy I felt. I welcomed myself!

I danced and a wave of answers and clarity entered my space. I thought of how happy I was and could only think of one thing, I said thank you- “I have all I’ve ever wanted and its time for more.” I danced for about 10-15 minutes and suddenly got really tired- more tired then usual, so tired I was asleep by 9:30.

So this is what I did in an hour and some of the things that totally made sense:

1- I researched a Catholic Young Adults group in Park Slope and signed up for their next bar-hopping, I mean church-hopping event. This group is made up of young, professional catholic’s from Brooklyn and they even have happy hour events! I never thought in a million years I would find such a group.

2- I penciled myself to attend the next Sunset Park community council meeting because I love my neighborhood and I want to be part of its voice.

3- I signed up to Chimestrydotcom again!! CRAZY, right? Well, I thought- You are giving your X-lover (lets call him Peter) too much power, and he is controlling you without being present in your life. You got hurt, but you learned a lot about men, dating, and yourself- while online dating has its cons it’s also an easy way to meet men. Peter is just one mistake- so I decided that I am more than ready to mingle again. I am not scared and I want to jump right in with both feet again. If my birthday wish is going to come true I have to put in the work and while not dating was what I needed it is no longer what I need or want.

4- Lastly, for so long I’ve wanted to get back into the gym but I could not find any motivation. I would wake up and instead of heading out, I would tell myself "like you 10 pounds over weight, you're sexy." I waited kindly and patiently until last night I said, “Its time to get in shape and take care of your body, lady- healthy is sexier.” This morning I signed up!! I’ll be heading to a gym in a nice neighborhood.....

I common thread with all of the above- they are all positive things that I have wanted to do but did not have the energy, faith or courage. Someone told me to put in the work into your love life, because fairytales are for Disney- so all of the above can lead me to meeting new people. If I want to meet my soul mate, half-orange, life partner, boyfriend, baby-daddy..whatever you want to come THAT GUY I am looking for, then I have to put in the work, but not desperately, I have to put myself out there and do things I enjoy…....this is what people have been telling me but suddenly it made perfect sense. I know what I like and want to do, I am not afraid of myself or others and creating opportunities is my part of the “work I have to put in.”

A lot happened in that hour and then someone tweeted me “tomorrow is a full moon” and while people think its hocus pocus, I am very in tune with the moon (I mean -LUNA), Universal energies, and I am not afraid but embracing ALL of it! Time is needed to heal and its time for me to move forward, forget about what everyone one thinks and just dance!

BEST,
Lunalove

Honestly...

Yesterday was not a good morning. I woke up to a message from my aunt, “your mom is trying to call you because your car was hit, call her.” After a chaotic morning of many calls with Geico, towing and mechanics, I was handed a $5,500 bill for all my car damages. I refused to feel like a victim and I chose to deal with the problem. (CRAP can i get a break, can I get my birthday wish to come true?) I headed to work, the work that owes me over $500 and simply said they were sorry for not knowing where my check was. After work, I went to my grandparent’s apartment because they always seem to know how to make me feel protected. I got home around 10pm and did not drink a glass of wine and opted for sleep- yes sleep will be better than a glass or two. I woke up this morning and paid all my bills and although I got paid last night, I have no money to go out tonight and possibly meet a nice guy. But I looked at the bright side, I have a great warm apartment and for all its worth, I am happy here and I will continue to fight to keep this peace of mind. I make a call to a friend and continue to listen to music while I clean. My youngest sister sends me a text message after I told her to call me and tells me “Jonathan asked me to be his girlfriend and I met his mother, of course I said yes.”

I immediately wanted to journal my feelings because let’s be honest, as a 27 year old woman I would like someone that I find to be a catch ask me to be their girlfriend. I recall that the last time that happened I was 19 years old. Of course I said, I have a job, a home, and health, I cannot stress the things I do not have. Instead of journaling I thought, let me blog, let me be honest with myself and my feelings. Como me duele! This hurts! My sister isn’t more deserving of this then me. I am super happy for her but I can’t help but wonder did cupid skip me?

She is 24, she makes a lot more then I do as a nurse and she is healthy, happy and beautiful. So what am I doing wrong? Wrong would be a year or two of bad choices but nearly a decade is pretty horrible. I saw my therapist this week and he said “you have to put in the work, be more social, get out there meet brothers, cousins, men!

Honestly…..

Have I been in the wrong places? Is 8 years still considered the “wrong time”? I’m I really not that good of a person that a simple, honest, good, nice guy will not be able to court me?


I’m not ugly, I have a sense of humor, a job, I can cook, I can contribute ideas, thoughts, and even health care to a relationship, so why am I invisible?
As I fall in love with myself I have learned a lot and I am ready to implement my lessons again but I can’t help but wonder what am I doing wrong. (well I jotted a few things down and I will refrain for drinking more than one glass on a 1st date- men can’t take my “realness” sometimes lol)

So I have a plan, instead of wallowing in my misery and pinot, I will wash my hair, cut my nails and put on a happy face. I will meet my girlfriend for dinner tonight, but I can’t help but think- that’s exactly what you are doing wrong. I am hanging out with my grandparents on a Friday night, I am hanging out with my soon to be wife friend on a Saturday night and I am going to watch football in a bar on a Sunday afternoon (guys do no seek for girls on a Sunday afternoon when the Giants and Jets are playing, I know better).

I am over the online dating, I am very happy spending time with my grandparents, friend, and football, but my therapist is right, what work am I putting in? I can’t help but think that my life is ridiculous, it’s not normal and this is painful!
So I am being honest- if you are reading this and you know of a single guy who is 5’11+, who is generally happy with himself and would like to have tea or coffee one day, please send him my twitter name!! I am telling the universe that I am not afraid of my yearnings and I am a fighter but I want to build bridges not walls..

Of course since I have caught myself I can’t help but think-I am perfect as is! I am happy and unlucky are you if you don’t meet me! I’ll meet the right person soon, I know I will! Two happy people coming right up…I know I am something special so special takes a little longer to prepare!

Ahh I feel better! :D

Best lunalove!

Updates

So I dont want to blog about singlehood and stuff like that all the time. It's time to bring "funny" and current events into this blog. Stay tune! :D

Settling.. not an option for me.

A few days ago I met a friend for a brief drink. Oh that pinot grigio was so good. Lately I’ve been having trouble finding a good combination of $ and taste. Anyway,as we exchanged updates and gossiped, she asked me if I’ve met anyone lately.

Is it really that easy? After she told me she was probably going to break up with her boyfriend because she settled into this relationship and did not see it going anywhere after 2 years of dating, she told me that I should consider the following:

1- Settling
2- Not just settling for someone who you do not have chemistry with but who could possibly not have a chance with a female like me and would never leave me.

“Oh yea” I said, dumbfounded.

Is that the SECRET? LMAO- even if I brainwash myself to settle, it wouldn’t work. I am not a pleasant person when I am not happy.

Do girls really settle? Am I reaching too far? I can’t settle now, I won’t settle now. Maybe at 33 I will go to a sperm bank but that’s only is I have the salary to raise my child alone, but settling has really become something else. I think I will settle for my sofa, extra 10 pounds I’ve gain and my cup of noodles, neither of these will tragically complicate my life.

My single life and “catching myself as a fall” is developing into I love myself too much to settle.

By Lunalove,

It just happened...really?

As a sit in Starbucks for the second day in a row in Long Island I can’t help but wonder, “why is this the life that I am living?”

Ok, let’s bring the drama down and give some details. Since Labor day I have not had a break from work. No blog time, no real time for me- gym, yoga, (well I haven’t missed that terribly). Every morning I’ve woke up and drove over an hour to visit schools, students, attend college fairs, fill up my rental car with over -priced gas, drink lots of coffee, eat lunch as a drive, prepare for a college fair, check emails, keep up with work duties, buy toothpaste, move my own car around in the rain, come home at 10pm to eat cup of noodles and do all this with a smile.

Should I complain? Well, I’m not complaining just wondering if the pay check to pay check lifestyle is worth it and when will I have time and more importantly the ENERGY to go to the gym or that yoga class, cook myself a fresh dinner with produce that I bought that day, schedule a real date with my girlfriends or just do my laundry or clean the bathroom and mop my apartment? When can I enjoy my HBO or TV that is not via my DVR? How about just hang out with my abuelo (my grandpa).
Okay- maybe that’s what the holidays are for? Maybe I will take my compensation days and do the above things, but the real issue here is- its sucks that I go home to no one, no one that really understands and makes all this worth more than just for me.

Last night, I ran into a college rep that I met last year and couldn’t help but stare at her engagement ring, “it just happened” she said. Well it didn’t just happen, you had to met him, then date him, do all the ups and downs of a relationship and now “it just happened.” While this alone time has been more than a peaceful gift, I can’t help but wonder, when will it happen to me?

Two weeks after my 27th birthday I can’t help but wonder why at this age and stage in my life (I have a job/career, well travelled, emotionally stable (FINALLY), I’m a good person) when will it happen or why hasn’t it happened yet? Why do I feel like a 50+ divorcee has a better chance at this then I do?

I’m a late bloomer? Why is it that I can’t help but dream about my children- their smiles, likes, cries, health care, schooling, foods, treats, etc.
All this work is making me think if I’ve made the wrong turn somewhere in my life?

All I can do it just continue and smile at the world. It’s not that bad, I have an apartment that I love and a job that more than less I enjoy, wonderful friends and family and a “ME” that I love and admire.

Hopefully the next blog will be about something that “just happened.”

By LunaLove

Eat, Pray, Love..can we move on?

Still thinking about Eat, Pray, Love

I want to get over with this. What are my thoughts on the movie? Let’s just get it over with it because I am still thinking about it and I cant come up with anything SUPER.

History: I read the book in December of 2007 or was it 2008 and it was my bible. After walking away from a 5 year relationship earlier that spring I was completely in aw with the book because it spoke to the anxiety demons I was going through, the desire to find prayer and build a relationship with myself and Faith and my hunger to believe in love again. It was cake for a fat kid!

I begged my friends to read it as it was a hidden jewel I found. My friends who are and have been forever happy with their long lasting relationships and had found themselves many years ago thought the book was poorly written, boring and “not a big deal.” But they honored that I was a big fan of it. So when the movie was announced I counted the days for it and set up a dinner, wine and movie night. I drove to Jersey the day before my big move all for the love of this book.

Was I disappointed? Not really. Was I reminded of why I loved the book? Not really. Was it like I had imagined it would be? Not really.

It’s no mystery that a book made into a movie looses its meat and potatoes so I took it for what it was; a movie after dinner with my girl friends.

Now back to the book- it served its purpose! It gave me an escape from my own worries. It’s a book that many can relate to or many can disagree with so I like it.

Is it logical to travel the world for a year in order to find a handsome man (well in real life he isn’t too handsome) and God? NO! Like Chelsea Handler (my Jersey soul sister comedian) said, “you risk getting malaria.”

My book sits proudly in my living room and it serves as a teacher, a counselor, an escape and a book with a pretty cover that was passed down to my girlfriends and back to me.

It’s no longer my bible but from time to time I remember that:
1- Eating your favorite delicates and indulging is love (I’m currently going through a phase of eating right now and its okay)
2- Prayer is important, clearing my mind is important, mediating and controlling my wild thoughts is a practice
3- Love is…..

Now can we move on because I do not want to keep thinking about this..

Thank you-
By LunaLove…a fan of Eat, Pray, Love

Heart My Pad!

So I found a little piece of peace. Recently my mornings start with a smile as I am grateful for the beautiful curtain rod on my window, oh and grateful for this new life of mine. I think to myself, “this floral bed sheet makes me so happy and I am glad we are friends again (you know flowers and me, because I am no longer afraid to admit that flowers are not ugly they are beautiful and make me jump with joy).”

Then I look at my white dresser and night stand and my room feels like sweetness from the Hamptons. I have slept all through the night (without sleeping pills or worries) and while in the beginning it was hard to sleep alone, I’ve now learned that if I close the door and shut the window I have the power to create a safe haven.

The best feeling that I discovered was reading in my room without anyone to disturb me. I often read articles of ladies in relationships that wish they were single again so that they could read a book in peace on their bed. OH YEA, OH WOW, OH HEAVEN! I now know why that made it to the list of “I wish I was single.” My room becomes a different peaceful fantasy and as I silence my blackberry I drift away and just float in peace.

My sofa, flat screen TV and I are having a threesome (shit for the price I paid I would expect no less!) I just sit there and put my feet up, or lay or eat, or whatever, it’s my sofa! I can watch my Netflix, my late night shows after work- thank you DVR, and I can just feel the stress and worries of the day melt away! Everything about my apartment I love- well that was my rule “only keep what you love.” This reminds me that since I am having window treatment anxiety and can not decide, I should just get what I love! Blogging rocks! Anyway, my refrigerator has all the foods I love- from Nutella to hummus, my bathroom has all the products I love, and my apartment is becoming my love!

So I know I have to mingle a little, get out there and meet up with friends (well that’s what they say) but this is my very first love, I mean apartment! I love it, I love it, I love it! Everyday as I leave it gives me the strength I need to take on the day and when I come home it gives me the softness to love and smile.

So as I fall in love with myself I learned one more very important lesson. It’s my job to make sure that I am happy. While others might not be so happy for me (my mother) I can not worry about that. I am such a happier, stronger person and have peace of mind all because I can put my love and my life before anyone else. I hope I can be an example to others and I am sure I will get out of my nest soon but for right now I’m letting myself fall deeper in love!

I am not looking for a father!

I have a huge confession to make. I went on a date! For some reason it’s so easy to meet guys now that I am not looking but the Universe is not too happy about my lack of focus from my 6 months promise to self.

The date was horrible, probably the worst date ever! The doctor to be showed up to the date with his whateverscope that doctors use to hear your heart beat. I was blown away but to make it more uncomfortable, the girl next to me asks him if he was a doctor! See those are the moments I wish I was Casper! Throughout the evening he spoke about his issues with being so privileged and his adoption pains. Then he even told me that he loves children and wants children more than anything in life.
What 27 year old wants children more than anything in life- a healthy 27 year old! I want a snicker bar more than children right now and children are on my wish list. Anyway, after the 1st glass of wine he grabs my hand and doesn’t let it go for a second. (how sweet it looks in the movies when you are into the guy, but how its gross when you think the opposite) We were playing cat and mouse with my hand. It was my cue to end the date- but the doctor had other plans for us. After I came back from the ladies room, he tells me to finish my drink and that we are getting pizza. I politely said, “no thank you, I have a long commute” and he offered his place. I thought I was being punked once again (Ashton come out now!). This could not be happening to me- if anything the Universe wants me to meet a nice guy and fall in love in this very important time in my life when I am telling the Universe the opposite. But I should know better, the only thing the Universe and I agree on is “I am not ready or probably ever be ready for a relationship.”

Back to the stupid guy! He demands that I drink up, and because he sounded so much like my father I slowly raised the glass to my lips but as soon as the wine touched my lips and said, “no!” I tossed a $20.00 bill to him and grabbed a taxi.
Not only did he remind me of my father but he acted like he wanted to be my father! My message to him- I am no longer looking for a daddy! I should have kept my $20.00 bill!

So instead of being bummed about this- well I took 24 hours to process this. I realized that more than ever- I want nothing else but to be alone! Yes, single and alone!!!! There are a lot of horrible dating stories waiting to happen and I don’t want to be a protagonist anymore.

So back to my life, my full life! Back to signing up for community service, walks, charity events, back to being focused on the job, finding an apartment, moving, smiling and embracing the peace!

It’s always nice to be reminded of what I really want- Thank YOU Universe!

I'm falling in love...

You know when you crawl into liking a guy. This is not love a first sight, but when you take your time to see what you like about him and take it slow? Well, today I realized that I am feeling that way about myself. When I wrote "I am falling in love with myself" I did not even think about the value of that. With all honestly, the more I learn about me, the easier it is to just fall in love with me and shine my own light and the easier it is to listen to what people have said and what the world is telling me!

2 months into this blog and its been a lovely commitment. Someone tweeted that when you are dating someone it takes 3-9 months to say "i love you" or at least feel it. I now believe her. It's a wonderful journey- full of good days and not so good day but I know i want to continue with this commitment. The one that you are dating should also know, if its heading towards love.

Today I also realized that the closure that I wanted from the X man, I no longer need. When he said "i dont know how i feel about love or if i am ready for a relationship" that was my cue to walk away and it was also enough closure. I know I will never hear from him again, but I also know i dont need him to explain what went wrong. Letting go means to have faith and to move on. It means realizing that I am way to good to hold on and letting go means loving yourself 1st!

Cheers to a happier summer!

By,
Luna <3 Love

Yellow, Orange & Floral Prints, for sure!

What’s your favorite color? What’s your favorite movie, book, month, holiday, blah, blah blah? How many times do people still ask you these questions as adults, especially on those lame 1st dates or phone conversations? Well, my answer has always been, “it depends, I don’t have favorites, because they change all the time.” I thought that was my honest answer, but some people thought I was crazy for not having favorites to market myself with. See, the thing about me is that I have to be honest, and if it doesn’t make sense to me, then I don’t share it. But of course I had a list of 3-5 things in each category that I kept around as potential favorites, just in case I didn’t want to explain to people my philosophy on favorites (I never met someone that “got” my concept, as if I failed 2nd grade for not having a favorite). Lately, (since I have been really looking at myself) I have been re-discovering things that I really like and I have been building on these things.

When I was younger, the color yellow and orange made me really happy; just looking at them gave me a reason to explore, but somewhere along the lines, maybe 5th grade, blue and red became the “popular” colors so I had to choose team red or team blue, so I chose blue. Blue has become my favorite color but I didn’t know why because blue does not really do anything for me. This is the same thing/feeling I have for so many things- music, films, hobbies, food, drinks, tv shows, and the list goes on. So I’ve been looking back and looking at me and asking me what the honest favorite is, even if when I say I love yellow and orange people look at me like I am from Mars. I also like flowers and floral prints and for some reason I gave up on them because people used to call me an “old lady” for liking flowers! So as I think about me today and my future, a lot of stress is just lifting away because I am removing the fears and the pressures and just being me and guess what, I am falling in love with me!

So two months of this journey are wrapping up and I am so proud of my achievements. They are not many, but I’ve explored my anger with men, I have re-design my vision board, I have shifted wants and needs and I have admitted to myself that I like flower prints, even floral bed sheets and if you don’t like it, then that’s okay, it makes me happy. Oh, and yellow and orange are two colors that make me smile and thinking about them makes me want to be a Crayola!

The great thing is that I’ve stopped acting for the public and now I have more time to enjoy myself and I love it! I am having a great time with me and living in the moment and feeling all 5 senses at a time is a great blessing- almost feels surreal.

The other day I saw the book “Where the wild things are.” This was amongst my favorite children’s book and I asked myself, “What in the world is this book really about?” Actually I have always wondered because in the 2nd grade I did not understand it but because I was told to chose a favorite book (and 3 little pigs was already taken- I LOVE THE 3 LITTLE PIGS AND LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD), I chose that one and 20 years later I still say it’s my favorite but I really do not get it! (I’m really lost and its sad because I studied children’s literacy- you are probably thinking why am I reading this blog, Luna is crazy)… but what I can tell you is that after days of thinking about the book, re-reading it and even watching the movie, I can say that I too saw Max in me.


I was angry, I didn’t like change and I felt like change was constant in my life. I did not want to deal with my realities and I left to another world where it was fine to just be.

During my very relaxing and therapeutic vacation to Cabos this month, I made the same decision that Max did- I wanted to come back!

Since my arrival from the wild things, I’ve been calmer, happier, focused, determined and stronger. I’m not sure if the book is a favorite children’s book but it’s a book I will keep on my bookshelf- its very nice illustrated and Max and I have a lot of things in common.

So, not to give you more work- but why are your favorites your favorites? I hope they make you feel like being a crayola or even like an old lady!

By, LunaLove

Rediscover I

Back in January I had a brilliant idea to have a vision board party (thanks Oprah) so I invite my close friends to my house for food, drinks and a night of arts and craft. It was an amazing experience to have all my friends work and put together a vision board- a poster of pictures and words that represented their goals for the year.

I made my own vision board and for the past 6 months it’s been the first thing I look at when I wake up. Today I decided to make a new vision board because the old one became something I had to achieve and not something I wanted to achieve.
Furthermore I did not want or need much of what the old vision board had.

It had the following things:
1- A hot guy (Jacob from Twilight) – I guess I don’t want a bf any more
2- A couple kissing at the beach- Not happening but I’m still going on vacation as a single lady
3- Treadmill- I did sign up for the gym and try to stay consistent
4- Yoga – for my piece of mind.
5- A random girl “looking sexy”
6- Lose weight, reach happiness, move forward, create happiness, take care of my hair

So the visions from above aren’t what I want or how I want to move forward with my life anymore. They aren’t important- well most of them. They are empty and don’t provide me with direction to a healthier, happier life, so I could easily lose myself. Hmmm, maybe that is exactly what it did.

But there is hope, at any point in your life you can rediscover or reinvent yourself. You can start from scratch; you can create a new you, a new vision and it can all begin inside of you! How many times have you or I, wanted to move across country just to have a new beginning? I have, and I realized that the change needs to happen inside of me and it does not matter what zip code I relocate to.

My new vision board has things that matter to me and give me essence, some are below. Well at least I think so...

1-I want to stand on my own, have stability and ownership and moving to Brooklyn in exactly 8 weeks. This is a way for me to take care of myself.
2-I want to work hard and achieve tenure at my job- assistant professorship and more stability so I can continue to take care of myself, financially. How important is this!!
3-There is a picture of me and not a random girl. I am beautiful and sexy-it’s all about maintaining it, again taking care of myself.
4-Inside comfort- it’s not as broad as happiness, but as long as “I” is comfortable I will be happy.
5-Healthy eating, I can work out and no excuses- there are in small print but are very important.
6-Still have fun with self control! I want to make it my business to carry myself with respect at all times, which includes probably saying no to my third drink and this is my sexier me.

This is the middle of the year and it’s a perfect time to start over, re-evaluate yourself and it’s not starting from scratch but pushing yourself to become a healthier and happier you!

By Lunalove

Park Slope Pulse-Reflections

Last week I had the amazing blessing to live alone in Park Slope, Brooklyn. It started with a desire that I expressed via facebook and the Universe worked its magic. My friends were leaving town and asked me to cat sit their two cats. While I am allergic to cats it was still an opportunity that I could not resist.

Looking back at this experience, it served as the perfect opportunity to think about my life. I was able to acknowledge that if I was in a relationship, I probably would not have this thought and desire, although it’s exactly what I needed. Moving forward, I want to continue to evaluate my life and ask myself “what do I want?” and go for it. My life should not take a pause or a different direction just because a man is in my life. This rooted lesson speaks so loudly to me now.

I really enjoyed the space and taking care of myself, the cats and the apartment. It’s so obvious to me that I am ready and need a place of my own. In 2006 I moved into my own apartment in Brooklyn, but I was not satisfied or ready for such change. It was scary to live alone and I always felt so isolated. I shortly moved in with my friend and had a wonderful 2 year living experience with her. From this short experience I lost that fear of living alone and feeling isolated. Furthermore, I now know more about me and my needs. I do not want a big space; I want a cozy, comfortable home in a neighborhood (park slope) that promotes young professionals. I want to provide myself with this stability and home. So I am moving to Brooklyn between September 1s and October 1st. This is a decision that is driven by me- not my family, not a boy, not friends, not any one but me, and for this reason, I feel powerful. I feel in control of my own life and that I am not waiting for a man to come and provide this home for me.

Besides the fact that I was able to jump into a cute dress and walk to a wine bar or go to a restaurant of my choice that was also walking distance, I was able to sleep peacefully and “come home.” I was able to unplug and just enjoy the simple existence of being. The commute to work was short, the nights were peaceful and the mornings were lovely.

Now, I am left super grateful to my friends who provided me with this opportunity. I have a sense of power and direction. I ‘m excited about building my home. I know that my life is heading in the right direction and I am very happy about that.
As part of the journey to fall in love with myself comes making decisions to be happier, healthier and provide myself with a present and a future that promotes self love. I will not wait for someone to rescue me or provide me with stability. I have no excuse not to live the life that I want to live. I know I need to continue to focus on me and do loving acts where I can be proud of myself and I can be a person who I think is worthy of all kinds of love!

By LunaLove

Deal Breakers- Are they important?

I read a book a while back “If the Buddha Dated” and it put a lot of my emotional desires into words; dating through fairness and compassions, without games and expectations but always keeping true to yourself and your partner’s well being. While I still follow a lot of these recommendations, I’ve also had to grow a tougher skin with men and dating.

Not all men are created equal. There are a lot of people in this world that do not have the same values as you do. This is a good thing, but how do you get to know what it is that you are looking for? Along with the wonderful journey of falling in love with your self are establishing boundaries, a back bone, being able to say no, being able to choose, being able to articulate what you need and want without guilt and ultimately taking care of your wholeness- having standards!

Listen men have standards, well most men do, its pretty much black or white with them and it might be a reason why they are “less confused.” So I’m getting standards or deal breakers. After wasting an outfit with someone who I would never speak to again, I realized that I need a clear list of- NOs. If this is not what is accessible to me then it’s a deal breaker, I’m sailing away and I’m learning how to control my ship pretty well so that it does not come back!

So here is the deal, I do think deal breakers are good. You have them because you know who you are! If you do not have them, you might want to think about getting one or two. Deal breakers are not meant to be a way to close the door on people but in a life where you/ I come first, I want to be able to have my feet grounded.

Deal breakers are not suppose to be superficial or ignorant but they are suppose to be true to you. They are not supposed to be defended with everyone around you, but they should be realistic. Important things in life have standards or a list of things that makes you eligible- a job, getting a loan, buying a house, even health/life insurance, so my life has to be just as important. I’m getting some deal breakers baby!!

My deal breakers are pretty much a self reflection of who I am and should often be revisited, afterall we grow and evolve. Be confident and get some deal breakers!


My Deal Breakers!

1- Patient-short temper people and I will never be good
2- Great hygiene and personal wellness, takes care of his body, mind and living environment, including his teeth and body odor, and the bed he sleeps in.
3- A job that he enjoys or feels satisfied with and can pay for a nice meal.
4- In the future would like to have children and raise them TOGETHER.
5- Short men- sorry.
6- Dresses age appropriate- includes no electronics, clothing that light up and tight shorts.
7- Can communicate easily about anything/if I feel like I am having a conference with a 4th grader or acting as your therapist, then it’s a deal breaker. “How’s does that make you feel?”
8- Picks up phone when I call, most of the time. Don’t ignore me!!!
9- Someone who doesn’t work for pleasure in the bed room (copyright ER)
10- I need to feel butterflies…come on.. this is life and love not a job interview

I’m keeping these deal breakers.. in the past I dated people that should not have made it, but because I didn’t have these standards, I wasted my time! Now I can enjoy more moments because my deal breakers are at work!

Top 3 most popular deal breakers from the ladies that were kind enough to share! Thank you!
1- Bad breath/ teeth/ dirty long finger/toe nails
2- Broke/Cheap/ Job less
3- No sense of humor or laughs at our jokes

My favorite- Some who talks about them and doesn’t ask me about me! Hahaha

What are some of your deal breakers!
By Lunalove

What have I done for me lately?

1- Treated myself to a sexy black summer dress…
2- Ordered my Isagenix chocolate supplement shake, despite of who it reminds me of- this shake is amazing! It does wonders for my wellness
3- I did try non-organic meat and did not get sick. But I realized that I want to continue eating less meat, but when I crave it, its okay to eat it
4- Took myself to dinner, yes all by myself (its actually a favorite thing for me to do)..this time a strange man paid for my dinner! AWESOME
5- I’ve been sleeping well…in Brooklyn!!! Not feeling guilty and just enjoying the simple blessing that I can go home and unplug.

What have you done for you this week?

Conversation via text messages...

Friday:
Guy- Hey, how are you? I was wondering if you wanted to get drinks on Thursday. It’s been a while.
Me- Hi, sounds like a good idea. I might be busy on Thursday, what about Wednesday?
Guy- I might be working on Wednesday.
Me- Oh
Guy- okay, I can do Thursday.
Me- oh ok, I will let you know by Sunday (I did not say yes)

Monday:
Guy- Hey, are we still on for Thursday?
Me- (I thought the no response was a big hint)Oh, idk, I keep canceling on my friend and I don’t want to cancel again. She has an event going on. (I think I can find a friend with an event on Thursday, so I am not lying)
Guy- we can do Wednesday, I want to take you to a live show in midtown
Me- oh, sounds fun….let me see
Guy- we can do Wednesday, I hope I am not pushing it
Me- (after pondering for 30 minutes…and YES YOU ARE PUSHING IT) ok, you can pick me up at union st
Guy- ok, where is union st? I can do that
Me- stop before pacific, (aren’t you from Brooklyn, I can’t trust a man who does not know his neighborhood) lets talk details the day of (clearly im not interested, if i was i would want deets right now)
Guy- what time?
Me- (I thought I said we can talk deets later) 6:45
Guy- okay, see you then

Tuesday thoughts!
I really do not want to go. I thought I was clear with him. I admit I was not straight forward because I did not want to be mean.. we did go to HS together but my straight forward text would have been. “I don’t think I will have fun, and I am not interested.”

This process should be about me and doing things that make me happy…being loving to self and harboring around peace. I am STRESSED!! How do I tell this guy, NO? I think I gave enough hints. Ok… so now what? I’m giving myself until 6pm today to text him another cancelation and then I will not respond. I need to grow a tough skin.

FYI- I like mature men for many reasons but one of them is that they won’t plan a date via text messages and they won’t text more then 3 times. Pick up the phone gents!

Repeat- It’s not then end of the world! I am not bitter/angry (just a little bit will not hurt)....eventually I will date again (oh the thought of that makes me sick)..besides I will be so mean to this guy and he doesnt deserve...

Help... any thoughts on what i can message this guy?

By LunaLove

It’s less complicated...weekend recap

Recap- since this is my space….


Thursday
Happy hour/happy night /maybe just a little bit too many glasses.. but thats how I am!
Met a man- he was Greek (34) and tall and we had nice conversation. He asked me if he could take me out on a date. (Now that was straight forwarded, usually its less traditional and they call it “dinner”..I love a man who can call it what it is!) He did take my number but hasn’t called but the great thing was, I know he is not “the one.” Since I am a lot like Charlotte from SATC, this is a big deal. I think everyone is “the one”..after a conversation I am planning the wedding... I felt in control, like I could decide and there werent any wedding bells. I hope he does not call.

Friday
Picked up the keys to the Park Slope apartment that I will be staying at for a week, although today I might stay with my grandma- she makes me happy and I already need space from the cats.
Great lunch with my friend.. I love how she knows the lunch specials.. I had the best garlic mushroom and spinach.
South Street Seaport with so many great women..I was happy to see so many of them happy and working at love-moving in with relationship, engaged, buying homes, starting new relationships and in the process of letting go.

On my way home, I stopped to enjoy some fireworks in staten island... then it was all about the Zzzzz.

Saturday
Atlantic City with a lot of people, including loud aunts, mom, and grandma. I need to keep family events to a minimum.
I won $46.00 and my dinner was $47.00, so it was almost free!
I order a great bottle of wine- Caposaldo Pinot Grigio 2008 (I started a wine list- this will make me less dependant and “wowed” when a man can order a good wine, now I will have my own list) Headed to a beach party where I saw a newlywed (note to self, not having a wedding in AC)
Dance by myself and definitely felt free and complete.
On the way back, a handsome guy (27) asked to sit next to me and he spoke to me for 2 hours (well the 90 miles from AC to Perth Amboy, NJ) He asked for my number and if i was seeing anyone...I gave him my BBM and then “accidently” it got erased. It’s less complicated that way. I told him I was not looking but he ignored that part. I guess its true, when you arent looking the male species will hunt!


Sunday
I realized that I need to “break up” with my mother and space will make our relationship stronger.
I packed and moved my things to the apartment in Brooklyn. It made me realize how much I want a studio apt in Park Slope.. so in the Fall I will have one!
I met one of my BFF’s for unlimited champagne and the Mets + FIFA game.
Took a walk and enjoy some ice coffee in Park Slope, boy was it hot yesterday.
Watch TV and suddenly it ALL came down to me:
I have control of the things I choose, I need to be proactive about my hapiness and life.. and I am on the road to getting my life back.
I realized that I can not control anyone or the world but I can control my thoughts and feelings. The more time I spend with me, the less I will worry about other people.
I made a list of the things I want to focus on…and it feels great!
I realized you are not suppose to be happy all the time but you can still enjoy life
Did not sleep much but being in an apartment alone gave me answers!

I am allergic to the cats I am sitting...but I loved caring for them, so I might get a pet.. like fish or a turtle.

Thoughts on online dating:

E-harmony, Match, Chemistry, Ok Cupid, and some others that are probably too shady to mention are all very familiar dating sites. I’ve had an online dating profile since the summer of 2007! Coincidently that was also the summer of a very difficult break-up. Three years later, I am over the 5 year relationship that was more like the “never ending story” and I am also over online dating. All accounts have been terminated, resigned, closed for business! What liberation.

So I guess I started online dating as a result of not meeting anyone interesting and feeling pressured to be in a relationship, while balancing a full time job in a very busy city. Looking back I probably was just not confident enough and not ready to deal with the pressure of meeting someone spontaneously.

Here is what I think about online dating:

1- It’s an easier/ convenient way to meet someone.
2- …………………………..

Ok, now this is really what I think of online dating:

1- Its really over rated, while it’s a trendy way to meet someone, you are also taking a huge risk- a lot of these men/women are escaping from either a bad break up, want to find a season cuddle buddy, really are not sure of what they are looking for, could be desperate, just want someone to text message to avoid feeling lonely.
2- It’s easy to lie on your profile.
3- Is it really organic? So many people have access to this that it’s really the same pool of confusion.
4- It’s hard- going on interviews for about 3 years and not having met “Mr. Right” has been exhausting. Take breaks from it.
5- Online daters fail to realize that just like any relationship, nothing is guaranteed and it takes work to develop any true connection.
6- Tip: put all the energy and time you spend on online dating on yourself and you might have a bigger chance of meeting someone with genuine potential.

My suggestions after 3 years of doing this would be, have fun with it, be cautious because you really do not know ANYTHING about these individuals, enjoy free dinners or cocktails, but just because they are on a dating site does not mean that they are looking for a serious relationship. Do not share too much, take things slow, and when your time comes you will meet your other half via online dating or, through a family function, or on the subway or maybe you already know each other.

I’ve learned an important lesson- you can not rush life or love! Be confident, love yourself, have fun with your life- even with your single/alone life, smile and when the time is right you will meet Mr./ Ms. Right. I know that when my time if right, and I might have to date myself for the next 3 years, I will meet Mr. Right.

Was it fun? Yes
Was it what I needed? Yes
Will I do it again? Probably not, I am not in a rush

By Lunalove

Cheers to friends and sisters!

There is nothing like support from friends and sisters! So I’m of to happy hour with two girl friends! YAY, yes very exciting, I keep thinking "should I have a margarita on the rocks or stick with pinot?" How I love that this is the only “confusion” in my life. So life if good!

But it gets better, one friend invited a single guy friend who after he saw my facebook picture, he said I was a “cutie.” Oh yea :) But this post is not about him, its my space, although he is pretty cute himself, again… this is my time to shine and enjoy ME! 6 months can fly away pretty quickly.

Oh, yes…back to friends and family....

So my sister (the one I have yet to mention aka the other twin who I believe is sometimes unsupportive of me dating because she thinks that the right guy will find me even if I am locked up in my room watching TV and will take me to the alter after 2 weeks of courting, because guys know right away when they love a woman- my mother has the same approach she is 47) well, yesterday when I came home SUPER tired and I did not have any piece of me that wanted to straighten my hair offered to put her online graduate work on pause and dry my hair! This was amazing love from her. She does not support any thing that has to do with a guy that is not "serious" about me. (She is also the sister I always cry to when my heart is broken...but im straightening my hair for happy hour, not for a guy... !)

This morning she lends me her purple bag because I needed “color” to go with my sexy professional black look (it’s the look that floats my boat) and then writes on my wall “I hope you have a great time tonight.” Super shocking, but super supportive and sweet!

My friends have been so….. what’s the word I am looking for, SUPPORTIVE this whole week about me and happy hour! Yes, I will continue to say that its happy hour and not a “set up 1st date.” From the out-fit to the place we are heading to, it’s all been covered! The energy is great!Everything should be done with girlfriends...everything is all set and I am not waiting till 3:45 to receive a text that has the plans for 5pm.. THIS IS AMAZING!! Friendship is awesome; a small touch of love and support can go such a long way!

I think I might do pinot, the last time I did margaritas or anytime I do any tequila wild things happen. I’ll save the margaritas for Mexico. Stay tune for my weekend updates!

PS: Keeping in mind a tweet I read today from The Daily Love: “Your soul mate doesn’t complete you: your soul mate is a reflection of you”

Cheers to friends and sisters!

By LunaLove

Wonder Wheel Blues

So it’s not Valentine’s day or Christmas, but it sure feel like it!! Either I try not to think about a silly Independence Day celebration or I create plans…..pronto!

There are about 15+ days left to make plans. What will this accomplish? Will I liberate myself by making plans or is the holiday anxiety getting the best of me? (I'm afraid so...wonder wheel blues I call them!)

Wouldn’t it be lovely to spend a weekend by the beach with my love, good food and pinot grigio, or I would settle for a veggie BBQ with my lover and friends… but since this is ALL about being HAPPY all by myself…aka… SINGLE, what do I do with the holiday/wonder wheel blues?

So I must tacke another challenege! Ready, set, GO!

Task:

How to create a great 4th of July weekend/day, without thinking about how great last year’s Grimaldi’s by Dumbo experience was? (looking back now, it wasn’t great.. it was a waste of my time..ugh..anyway)

Background:

1- I almost never have a great time with family- scratch them out of the plan ( I’m so glad I am honest with myself now)

2-I will not be happy alone in my house (probably would just facebook stalk people and forget about all my blessings)

3-I probably want to put on a cute outfit together (yes, yes, yes)

4-Drinks and fireworks make me happy (a little vino or summer ale always makes memories sweeter)

5-Can’t drink and drive so….(need a FULL plan)

Plan:

1-Email friends (check)

2-Now let the Universe bring me the plans…check in with the Universe/plan by June 28th

Is anyone else experiencing holiday blues? I keep telling myself after 4th of July it is only going to be July 5th….no big deal, so BREATHE! I will be okay.. as long as I got me babe! :)

By LunaLove

Healthy Habits

“No one is in charge of your happiness except you”

So if I’m in charge…these are some of my healthy habits

1- Do pray/meditate… make it a healthy habit

2- Do YOGA....even if its once a week

3- Do run/jog around the park…even if its once a week

4- Do order a bottle of wine and share it with great company

5- Do schedule mani/pedicures

6- Do drunk text your best friends, better yet tweet while you are drunk..its fun

7- Do eat healthy but also delicious things

8- Do keep a personal journal where you can keep up with your herstory

9- Do buy yourself nice things

10- Do look at yourself in any mirror/window you see..especially down fashion avenue and stare.."yes I am looking at ME”

11- Do smile at yourself in the morning and say “you are beautiful”

12- Do laugh at yourself out loud, if you cant think of something you did that was funny..START living

13- Do everything to get rid of things that do not let you sleep!

14- Do remind yourself that life is a journey not a destination..be kind and forgive yourself

15- Do day dream, especially if you cannot remember your night dreams

16- Do what you need to do, and say what you need to say b/c “those who matter do not mind”

17- Do keep up with Netflix..enjoy the movie all by yourself

18- Do wear red lipstick, short shorts and things that make you feel pretty

19- Do count your blessings..like list them, write them down and give thanks

20- Do what makes you happy!

What are some of your healthy habits?
By Lunalove

Phone Education- How long do you wait to respond?

Phone Education- How long do you wait to respond?

How long should you take to respond to a text or call? What is appropriate verses rude and unacceptable behavior?

A friend told me, “It depends on the person.” OUCH! So, the longer you wait to respond to me means what exactly? It’s so hard for me to not respond right away. Granted sometimes, very few times, since my blackberry is always with me, it takes me 20 minutes. If I don’t respond within the hour, I may never respond or I am playing the “let me chase and come and chase me” game. So the next time someone takes a very long time to respond (you decide what is long, depending on occupation and time of day) you might have to see what kind of person you are to the receiver.

I think one of my dating anxieties was this “waiting to respond/ or reply game.” Am I more likeable if I am rude and unresponsive? Guys, get it together! How can you live like this! I guess I don’t have to worry about being me any more. I will respond as soon as I get it; its respectful and common courtesy. Does it take “self love” points away from me if I take 45 seconds to text you back? NO!

Respond when you can! Whether its seconds after receiving the text or hours, but the waiting EVERY TIME to seem more desirable is bullshit! Even with girlfriends. I have a friend that has been taking on average one week to respond to simple advice on cooking or makeup or whatever. Now if you keep bullshit around then you aren’t making room for self worth…so don’t settle for a long awaited response its 2010 and people are attached to their smartphones!

Or maybe there is too much thinking and effort involved in texting back? (I don’t know if I believe that) What do I know, I’m still single! I guess just stay true to you. If you are at a yoga class in the middle of a sun salutation, maybe its not a good time, but come on, yoga class is about 90 minutes anyway, BUT…. what do I know!!!

Can’t help but hear all my girlfriends saying “DON’T RESPOND RIGHT AWAY, PRETEND THAT YOU ARE BUSY”

By LunaLove

How not to date!

How not to date!

Hello terrible twenties!! So after almost a full decade of horrible dating experiences and trying to navigate through “unofficial relationships” I am finally at a place where I never thought I would be. I have decided not to date for a while. My online dating sites have been deactivated and my chemistry.com membership will be canceled June 22.

How many times have you been told “Maybe you should be alone for a little while?” Well, every time I end an unofficial relationship (I always think after months of courting and dating that we are in a “not labeled” relationship but my partner(s) always think differently). One guy was surprised that I asked him “So you aren’t interested in dating me anymore?

After weekend getaways to Atlantic City, Hamptons, and his place, biweekly dinners, bed and breakfast, happy hours, personal foot rubs, romantic candle lit nights, and just for two dancing to Bob Marley and LL Cool J while enjoying the finest fines in his living room… I thought we weren’t dating. Apparently, we were just friends. Welcome to 2010 friendships and call me traditional!

Well, my older (and married) sister hits me with the same thing, “Maybe you need to be alone for a while, love yourself” I thought if I love myself anymore I will need to file for bankruptcy and turn into the 1st asexual human being, BUT there is nothing wrong with being 26 ½ and wanting to be alone. Right? It’s not like I am giving up, just taking a “leave of absence” and for the most important person.. ME!

I will confess the idea of being alone was SCARY! No one to take me to dinner, no one to call at night, no one to do weekend activities with, no missed calls or random text messages, no one to cuddle with or share your last piece of dessert with. No Man! Then I realized, I haven’t had any one this in years and if I get a taste of it, its always bitter sweet, I’m always just a stepping stone!

Just of the record, I’ve had men who, don’t show up to dinner, don’t call me back, dump me via text message, call me at 2AM, ask me to pay the bill, aren’t “available” and cant cuddle because either they don’t want to get emotionally attached or have plans with their “boy” at 10AM on Saturday morning!

Anyway, I think its time to build a healthier approach to self love, and catch myself when I fall! The plan is to delete all past boys from my life, and focus on me, myself and I- creating a love life for me and blogging/ranting about the journey.

6 wonderful months of peace and calmness and I want to blog/twitter (lunalove321...add me) about it.
So very simple, here are the rules.

How not to date:
1- No talking on the phone for more then 10 minutes, and only once a week.. (assuming someone does call/ or is interested)
2- No dinner dates. Only lunch dates and NO more then 2 per month. (The chances of me getting drunk off mimosas or sangria during lunch is unlikely, so I will be 100% or 98% sure of my choices)
3- No holding hands. (this CLEARLY is an HUGE indication that you like me)
4- No sex (that’s pretty much a given…once that happens I clearly think you are my boyfriend)
5- No cooking for a man (which includes picnics and making him a sandwich, furthermore, I don’t want him cooking for me either.)
6- No gifts, even if it’s as simple as a card or Tylenol
7- No emailing, no writing on your facebook wall or returning pokes!
8- No meeting friends or family
9- No sleepovers! (Might have to change this in August when I move to the city!)
10- No commitment, wedding, engagements talk or future planning of no sorts!

Now lovers, any thing else I should add to this list? How do you NOT date?

*And of course I am willing to make friends but friends, just friends, like second grade friends not junior year in college friends.

By LunaLove