It has taken me twenty-something years to accept that life is complicated and difficult. I also know that no break-up is easy; no matter how long or short your relationship was its not easy breaking up.
I do feel the need to address this rule of conduct with daters- please respect the art of breaking up. I really feel that people lack respect for human kind, feelings, emotional psychic and the basic fundamentals of compassion. Sometimes I want to blame it on technology, or maybe the lack of parenting or just NYC’s lifestyle. However, after I’m done spinning the “wheel of responsibility” I just make peace and move forward knowing that every experience adds to your character.
In June of 2010 I started blogging and shouting to the world that I was seriously hurt and my feelings were oozing out of me like never before. I tried to stay calm and “deal” with my feelings of loss. With everything that I did or did not do, I still felt paralyzed and traumatized!
Throughout the summer, fall and winter seasons two things occurred- I used this blog as a place to honor me and advocate for me. So, thank you! The down side was that I turned to food and this week woke up an additional 20 lbs heavier and not recognizing my own body- but 2011 started with a roar for me and I’m getting myself together. Soon I will be posting about my weight loss progress and my inner strength. I’m giving myself so much power by saying “NO” to food and “YES” to exercise.
Ok- back to this post....
Last week- 3 days before the year ended I received an email that changed the course of this New Year for me. My X-lover, the one that after 6 months of intimate and exclusive dating decided to dump me via text message and NEVER respond to my texts, calls and emails emailed me a brief update on his life and apologized. I'm not sure how sincere it really is, but nonetheless, he apologized.
He wrote,
"Sorry if I hurt you in anyway but my intentions were not to make you feel like this!!! You have so many strong feelings that you will make somebody very happy one day. I am currently in another relationship right now that I am putting all my energy and focus into! I'm sorry things between us didn't work out and I wish you the best and a fantastic start to the new year!"
Oh the tears of joy! Of course I knew all this!! I know I am wonderful (although he didn't say that, I know that is what he means by strong). I know I will make one man the luckiest man alive (yes happy, whatever he said). I know he didn’t MEAN to hurt me and I knew he had met someone else- man aren’t that complicated. While I knew all of this, I longed for the respect, honor, compassion and loyalty to what we once had and I not only wanted but as a woman and human being needed a respond, an apology and CLOSURE.
I had given up on ever finding closure with this man and then it happened. Once I read the email, I was able to remember our months together as sweet and beautiful! I was able to wish him all the best-in my mind because I have no desire to speak to someone who lacked courage, compassion and wisdom to simply send me that same email 6 months ago. He could have saved me 20 lbs and my liver from all the excess wine and could have saved my friends from all the stories about him.
Now, I get to cherish all lessons that I learned from all of this. I can feel the change, I can feel the how light my heart feels.
I must honor my character and say, I still think that every person needs to honor every relationship and ended it as respectfully as possible. Now as I move on and move forward, I will try my best not to fall so easily (thanks to this work I did with my self within these months). After this emotional ride I am in no rush to get myself involved again but this was kind of a wonderful experience.
Happy New Year Everyone!! 2011 is going to be the best year I’ve ever had- it started with me dancing my beautiful, accomplished, single and wonderful self away!
Cheers,
Lunalove
Its true. It's so hard to not be bitter... But there is always something to learn!
ReplyDeletei think the Universe has been trying to teach me this "you are no one's gf until you have a ring, so don't make anyone a priority unless you are.. dont leave your passion, self, friends and family just for a guy" that way when things dont work out- i dont fall to hard.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, if both people in a relationship follow this advice (do not make your partner a priority, unless your partner treats you as such), then neither would ever take the initial risk necessary to make their partner a priority. I also have to express some concern with the whole "self love" trend. I mean, for someone with low self-esteem, it is of course important to remedy this condition. However, for someone who already has self esteem, exactly what purpose does "self love" serve, aside from making one more self centered? Personally, as a male, I find it off-putting when a female has numerous overarching obligations-- to the extent that she can barely keep track of and pay adequate attention to the people in her life. One last though: simply making yourself better/practicing self love will in no way guarantee that good things will come to you. The only way to absolutely guarantee good things will come is to take an active position. Sometime the female should make the first move, just as the sometimes the male should be more aggressive.
ReplyDeleteThere are way too many females out there that simply pose and preen and suppose that from this a prince will swoop down from clouds and carry them away.
Point taken- self love is a process and a journey- some people can have self-esteem and not love ALL of who they are for example their self esteem might come from their fashion or cars or possessions but that doesn't mean that all of who they are including health, and shortcomings are loved by oneself. You do not reach a point where you love yourself and STOP. I agree with your comments about making someone a priority only when he or she has proven that you are also theirs. But everyone had to learn that.. guess its taking me a little bit longer to get that lesson. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for explaining this to me, I think I more fully understand what you mean by self love, i.e., that self esteem does not equal self love.
ReplyDelete