Re-learning a lesson

This week I kept wondering if I am single because I continue to make the same mistakes while dating. I asked myself, “Do I date outside the box?” “Do I learn from my mistakes? “What are of the lessons I’ve learned?” Gathering the lessons was hard and I still kept telling myself “grow up, it’s time to grow up!”

Life spoke to me loudly last night. Life let me take this test again.

C was supposed to come over for dinner. We have been talking for a little more than a year but things have always been casual. While I have a good time with him I also know he isn’t ready for a monogamist relationship. In the New Year I decide to color outside of the lines. I invited him for dinner. He has been asking to taste my cooking since this summer. He was very excited and we set 7pm Friday night.

I enjoy cooking- it puts me in a trance that I really enjoy. Thursday night I went to Key Foods and bought all the ingredients for this meal. I carried them up to my apartment and seasoned the chicken. Friday morning I woke up early to wash and blow out my hair and I rushed home Friday afternoon to get started. I kept justifying cooking for this guy by telling myself that I love to do it- but honestly this was becoming a project.

7pm I received a text that he was going to be late and instead of over reacting I stayed calm.

Now it was 8, 9, 9:15, 9:40…I send him a text and he apologized but he needed to shower because he just got a haircut. Reasonable, but why get a haircut on a Friday when you had dinner plans…then lighting struck!

I am not his priority not even for this night; a night that took me a lot of work to pull together. All I want is to be someone’s priority or come before a haircut….at least for one night.

I wasn’t sure I wanted him over- I was hungry and I took the knife and craved the chicken and ate my plate of delicious roasted chicken with Spanish rice.

So many things ran through my head:
1- In a relationship you must be patient
2- In a relationship you must be flexible
3- In a relationship you must be kind
4- In a relationship…

WAIT- I wasn’t in a relationship and I was kind enough by shopping, cooking, cleaning and waiting for him.

I was here before- waiting for a guy, making him a priority and being really flexible, cooking and then not being appreciated. I wanted to show myself that I had some respect for me. I called him.

I told him I’ve been waiting and 11pm was not my idea of dinner especially when I had been working hard all week. I told him I was tired and he asked to reschedule. He heard my silence and I nodded.

He then played the sad puppy card “it’s all my fault, I’m sorry” and I said thank you but its bed time not dinner time.

I’m not sure if in the dating world this is a good thing or I just ended up alone again on a Friday night- but this morning I felt like I got an A+ on the same test I once scored a C-.

Thanks Life…I know I am going somewhere!

Best,
Lunalove