It just happened...really?

As a sit in Starbucks for the second day in a row in Long Island I can’t help but wonder, “why is this the life that I am living?”

Ok, let’s bring the drama down and give some details. Since Labor day I have not had a break from work. No blog time, no real time for me- gym, yoga, (well I haven’t missed that terribly). Every morning I’ve woke up and drove over an hour to visit schools, students, attend college fairs, fill up my rental car with over -priced gas, drink lots of coffee, eat lunch as a drive, prepare for a college fair, check emails, keep up with work duties, buy toothpaste, move my own car around in the rain, come home at 10pm to eat cup of noodles and do all this with a smile.

Should I complain? Well, I’m not complaining just wondering if the pay check to pay check lifestyle is worth it and when will I have time and more importantly the ENERGY to go to the gym or that yoga class, cook myself a fresh dinner with produce that I bought that day, schedule a real date with my girlfriends or just do my laundry or clean the bathroom and mop my apartment? When can I enjoy my HBO or TV that is not via my DVR? How about just hang out with my abuelo (my grandpa).
Okay- maybe that’s what the holidays are for? Maybe I will take my compensation days and do the above things, but the real issue here is- its sucks that I go home to no one, no one that really understands and makes all this worth more than just for me.

Last night, I ran into a college rep that I met last year and couldn’t help but stare at her engagement ring, “it just happened” she said. Well it didn’t just happen, you had to met him, then date him, do all the ups and downs of a relationship and now “it just happened.” While this alone time has been more than a peaceful gift, I can’t help but wonder, when will it happen to me?

Two weeks after my 27th birthday I can’t help but wonder why at this age and stage in my life (I have a job/career, well travelled, emotionally stable (FINALLY), I’m a good person) when will it happen or why hasn’t it happened yet? Why do I feel like a 50+ divorcee has a better chance at this then I do?

I’m a late bloomer? Why is it that I can’t help but dream about my children- their smiles, likes, cries, health care, schooling, foods, treats, etc.
All this work is making me think if I’ve made the wrong turn somewhere in my life?

All I can do it just continue and smile at the world. It’s not that bad, I have an apartment that I love and a job that more than less I enjoy, wonderful friends and family and a “ME” that I love and admire.

Hopefully the next blog will be about something that “just happened.”

By LunaLove