Peaceful holiday!

With all of the holiday cheers and all my single twitter-people or tweeps I got caught up with the joy of things. I usually hit the GREAT DEPRESSION when it comes to holidays. I get sad because I am single, I can not sleep, I over criticize every fiber of me and pick at all my insecurities. I either over plan my days or avoid everyone but this time around I felt peace and happiness instead of cold anxiety.

I’m excited about Christmas and what my family calls “Noche Buena.” I don’t even mind that I have to take a train to a bus to finally arrive to my mother’s house. I am bringing a pie because I want to. My mom’s policy is if you come without a plus one you do not have to bring anything, so I get to freeload off all the pluses. I just want to enjoy the songs, food (I think I’ve been enjoying this too much lately, but I’ll worry about this January 3rd), the laughter and the fact that I have a family that after all my bumps always welcome me home. Even with New Years eve- I haven’t thought that I will be dateless. I just want to leave the old and welcome the New Year with a warm big smile.

How did I get to this place of holiday peace? I think it was a lot of acceptance, zero tolerance for self-sabotaging and knowing and hoping that this is not forever. One day I will have the date on NYE and one day I will be asked to come and meet the parents and one day I will be stressing about what gift to buy my future boyfriend. I’m a catch- I know this will happen! For now, I want to embrace the peace and blessings that I have and think about all the possibilities and opportunities that 2011 can bring me.

I think I caught myself ;-)

Happy Holidays… best,
Lunalove

A SUPER BOWL week

This past week, while out in the bar scene, I scored not once but twice! TOUCHDOWN ALL THE WAY- well not exactly but twice in one week a stranger walked over to me and asked me for my digits…talk about a confidence booster to end the year!

A bit of history about me and maybe this excitement will make sense.

1)I NEVER GET ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!
2)Summer 2009- last time someone asked me for my number at a bar- we texted once of twice but that was it.
3)Summer 2010- a stranger buys me dinner; the sweet romantic way where I ask for my bill and the waitress tells me that the man that just walked out paid for my food. He didn’t leave a number but it was a great achievement or moment for me.
4)Summer 2010- present- well let’s just say I get my confidence from online dating.

As I am trying to “put in the work” to meet people and also noticing my unsuccessful track record with online dating, I am trying to meet someone the old fashion way AKA, a stranger walks over to you, compliments you and asks you if he could call you or take me out some time.

I thought I was setting myself up for disappointment because I’m not a fashionista, so I will not attract men with my feminine silhouette and I am not forward enough to even smile at a stranger—

So my mantra has been- go out there and have some fun! Isnt this what every coach tells their players?

TOUCHDOWN # 1

Last Monday during the Jet’s defeat a very nice gentleman approached my friend and asked her if I was single. (Do I appear like I am with anyone when I go out?) She asked me to speak to him but I kept screaming at my fantasy boyfriend QB Mark Sanchez and ignored her suggestion. But then the gentleman proceeded to HUNT further and he did the traditional....

“I think you are very attractive, my name is Allan, is it okay if I talk to you for a little bit?” So we chatted, I smiled, and he asked me for my number!!! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!! Throughout the week he texted me but of course it has died down and he didn’t seal the deal with a date. His lost, I still scored.

TOUCHDOWN # 2

This one came out of no where! Saturday night, a spontaneous night out with my girlfriend, I met another toad, who I really hope I can soon kiss and find out if he is a prince. My friend and I wanted some air and walked outside the lounge. There were two gentlemen who immediately started talking to us. I think it was my smile or my sarcastic response to his guess of my ethnicity that hooked him in. He moved closer to me and asked me about a million questions in about 3 minutes “ What’s your name? Where are you from? What do you do? Where do you live?” I decided to go back inside and shook his hand..(That was weird from me but it just happened.. I guess his energy made me a bit nervous.)

Two minutes later he says hello again and asked if he could buy me a drink. Was this really happening to me? For the next hour the other 2 million questions were asked “what do you like to eat? Where did you go to school? Do you like to travel? Are you married, engaged, single..and why?” I finally asked him a few questions because although I do not like to be interviewed this time I just felt good about the same questions I am asked on every date. He said he was a psychotherapist originally from Ohio or Illinois with German background (which I guessed) and now resides in Manhattan. NO WONDER IT WAS SO EASY TALKING TO HIM, its what he does for living. So my friend tried to pry us apart and he got the hint and asked for my number and left to another bar. TOUCHDOWN!!

In the morning I felt really good about him and I hoped he would call or text. He did and although he asked to see me again on Saturday and said "it was really nice meeting you", we did not confirm anything. So now I am left wondering if we are meeting Saturday evening or not….but I do want to see him again.

So maybe that stupid advise that people give me and I refuse to believe does work “you meet people when you are not looking.”

I have a good feeling about the therapist so send me all your positive and GRAND energies….

Best,
Lunalove

..and just like that I knew....

“The very 1st time I saw him I knew he was the one.” How many times have you heard this? A lot?.... me too! “It’s like you don’t know what you are looking for but when you find him you definitely know.”

This almost fairytale message gives me so much hope and I am a believer.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare with my X lover and throughout the day I pulled all my coping strategies so I would not PANIC.

1- I spoke to myself in the shower

2- I cried

3- I journal

4- I listened to happy music

5- I wrote my feelings to two completely different people with polar personalities

6- I gave myself permission to think about him

7- I reminded myself of all the bad qualities he has

8- I reminded myself of all the great qualities that I have

9- I accepted the situation by reliving it and then I let it go

10- I went to the gym, as much as I hate going to that place I went.



So by mid-afternoon I was okay again and another important question dawned upon me.


Every winter my office-mates ask me what color I am going to paint my office. This Friday will make my 3rd year anniversary at this job, and for 3 years I could not decide on what color to paint my office. I just don’t like any of the colors I have seen and I did not want to COMMIT to PAINT.. that’s like eternal! I would stay white until I found the perfect color. So my aggressive me asked as politely as possible, “what the hell are you waiting for, pick a color” and then my passive me said as direct as possible, “I am not ready, I don’t like any of the colors, do not pressure me with my choice.”


Then as I was walking back to my office from my 20 minute cardio work out, I took a different route… (Oprah said I should take different routes when I am not feeling too great.) As I entered the “new” stair cases I suddenly saw birds, and lights, and angels and THE COLOR!!!

Aggressive and passive me both agreed that we could not only live with this color but it was a happy lavender.

LAVENDER is not in my favorite color schemes (but then I open up my blog page and feel silly, guess it is now)- but as soon as I saw the color I fell in love…...and just like that I knew it was the one!

"The one" has been staring about me all this time and closer then I thought and not in my "list" of things I like... guess that's just the way it goes.

So the hope is there…. One day I will see the birds, angels and lights with a man, my life partner.. until then... I will keep loving me and keeping hope alive.



Best,

Lunalove

Letting go.. a little bit easier!

Three years ago I was on the "N" train crossing the Brooklyn Bridge on my way to work. That weekend I had signed a 3 year lease on a 2008 car. It also coincided with my new job and my leap to new beginnings but I could only think about one thing, “What would my life be like 3 years from now, winter of 2010?” I thought, “Maybe I would be in a relationship.” Obviously we all know the answer to that one....

Three years later I am not in a relationship and due to the economy I returned the lease and opted to save money instead of owning a car. However, I learned some priceless lessons about letting go.

As I was returning my car I felt a sense of loss. I am very fortunate to have all my family members, even the ones I don’t like- therefore I have not experience a tragic loss. The biggest sense of loss has been with a boy leaving me- abandoning me. This is one of the reasons why when I get dumped it feels like a funeral (sometimes a Russian funeral because I bring out the Vodka). I just have not lost a lot of people or things in this lifetime (knock on wood)- well besides my wallet that I used to lose every season- but all of that was replaceable. It's hard for this lady to deal with relationship loss so life is teaching me how to "let go."

So....how would I deal with not having my baby Emmanuel, my car!! We shared so many great moments especially on my road trip to Georgia with my best friend and driving to D.C to see another X-lover. But none the less I took this weekend to get it together and made some connections between letting my car go and letting my past lover(s) go.

1- I no longer have to wake up early or stay up late looking for the right street to park my car in.
a. Without my X-lover I don’t have to worry if I am getting my period or what time he will call or if he will call and most importantly his snoring doesn’t wake me up. I dont have to WONDER!

2- I get to save money!
a. I have time for self development- like taking a cake decorating class which I am doing next month. Money equals freedom and without my X-lover I am flying solo and can be anywhere and leave at whatever time I please!

3- It’s done so I cant bring it back by thinking about it.
a. He left, so I cant bring him back by thinking about him. It's simple- i get the sitting in with feelings and dealing with them but after a while and its been about 6 months, he is not coming back! My thoughts can be used somewhere else.

4- I get to think of my next car
a. I get to think about my next lover- the one without he big nose, who doesn’t snores and sleeps with his sexually frustrated dog. I get to think about the next big thing!! YESSSSSSSSS

I cherish the moments and count the blessings and lessons that I learned but it’s OKAY to let go and move. (this is about my car and my X-lover)

So letting go just means more empty space or less baggage. As soon as I left the car dealership my purse was literally lighter and I’m applying the lightness to my heart-why chase someone who doesn’t want to be loved by me, its best to embrace the lightness I have because he is out of my awesome life!

Letting go is easier then I make it out to be- there is no point in holding on to a car/love that is no longer mine. It’s best to test drive new cars and lovers for my future investment.

..and just like the imagine I am a beautiful lady letting go of the balloons that I know are not coming back!

Best,
Lunalove

DailyOM- Part of the Process

I think this Daily Om is great! This summer i felt stuck more then ever in my life. When I closed my eyes I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean without a breeze.. just STUCK! This Om...was helpful and I wanted to share it with you. Life is hard, change is hard, the unknown is hard, but all the Universe is asking from us is a small step and the rest will follow.

Best,
Lunalove

Part of the Process
Feeling Stuck
If you are feeling stuck in your life, it is possible you are clinging to an old reality or thoughts.


When we feel stuck in our lives it's important to take stock of what is going on and find out if there is something we are doing or not doing that is keeping us stuck. Sometimes the situation is out of our control, and we need to look within to find the patience required to wait with equanimity until things move forward again. Many times, though, we can find the source of our stagnation in our own hearts and minds. Sometimes we are clinging to old ideas about reality and we need to make adjustments that will bring us back in tune with life, so we can flow again. Sometimes we find that fear of change is what's keeping us stuck, and we can resolve to find ways of facing that fear.

If introspection does not provide the answers we need, it can sometimes be helpful to ask those around you if they notice anything obvious that you might not be able to see. Remember to ask someone whom you can trust to be kind and sensitive as well as honest. Try to let go of your resistance because whenever there is something we can't see ourselves, it's because we don't want to see it. Try to listen with an open mind, and remember that you are always the final judge of what you need. Anything offered to us from an outside source will need to be processed within before its wisdom can take hold.
In all this, be kind to yourself and remember that we all get stuck sometimes. Think of it as a part of your process, a necessary step on your journey, rather than as a problem that shouldn't be happening. This can help to keep your frustration at bay and give you the space you need to take a deep breath and really figure out what's going on.

http://www.dailyom.com/

Things I love Right now..

27 YEARS OLD!

Two months ago I turned 27 years old-yes not young but old. I am a fairly optimistic person so it’s strange that I do not use young at the end of 27. Relatively I know I am still young but not as young as when people tell me in their pity voices, “don’t worry about being single, you are still so young.”

The most obvious greatness about this age is that I am happier with myself. I feel at peace, secure and very comfortable. The not so great lingering thought is when people- and it happens about once a week, tell me that I am young. It usually happens when they ask me about my dating life. I don’t get too worked up about their “you are young” comment as much as I get upset with myself for agreeing!

So yes, I smile back and say yes I am still young, I have not met Mr. Right but I am still young!!!

YEA right- the honest truth is that I do not think I am that young. I come from a traditional Latino home and 27 and single is a red flag for “you might not be gay but maybe you don’t like men.” But forget what my family thinks, when I go to bars, I am no longer the 24 year old single girl with a great smile and looking for a nice evening. I am the 27 year old single who is usually with the 2 other couples (yes I’m usually a 5th wheel.) Ok, so I am over bar scene so I hang out with my friends but i cant help but think that their lives are so much different then mine because they have been in their live in relationships for years and i am the "other."

It’s okay that I am single but let’s not say that I am young in this context….

I am 27 and have been an over achiever for most of my life. It’s hard when I keep pushing the marriage/mother age as I continue to do.

Furthermore, last night I went to a young professional singles event and I felt like a chaperon; most of the attendees where between 22-25 years young. 27 is not far from 25 but it’s closer to 30.

My job for self improvement this week is to appreciate all that comes with my age- I surely do not want to do the mistakes I did at 24 so I am much more comfortable here, but if people could be more sensitive and realistic about 27, that would help a lot. The next time someone says “you are still young” I will agree to disagree. For grandkids I am young for a date on a Friday night I am past due.

I can not control not being with Mr. Right but I can control how I react and how i communicate my feelings with others.

By Lunalove