Left Over V-day Bliss!

Valentines is approaching and I have some new feelings about this.

I have always liked the idea of Valentine’s Day. Growing up my mother owned a flower shop and every man that came in there I felt in love with! The image of them walking into their home with a bouquet of roses was dazzling! Let’s not mention the other bouquet they sent to the other Miss and paid cash for.

I am big fan of flowers, chocolate, wine, champagne, quality romantic time and shared laughter, so of course I love this holiday.

For years however I have been single. I did the friends thing, the anti-V-day thing, the send yourself flowers thing, the “I will avoid it” thing and the “I have a date thing!!!”

The date was last Valentine....

Last year my X-lover took me to Atlantic City where we dined and wined and danced and well it was so romantic. It was a wonderful 24 hours that we spend together!

Driving there and back was perfect and the time we spent was full of fun and laughter. We got really close during that trip and I felt like such a special lady. So special that I am still satisfied- the left over romance of last year still satisfies my wants for a date and love this year. He has a new doll this year and I have some extra V-day bliss, so it all works out.

I guess the lesson here is obvious, sometimes you have good days and sometimes you don't. Just keep trusting and make the best out of what you have.

I am really excited to do nothing but wish everyone a Happy Friendship and Love Day—Cheers all and Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

How are you feeling about Valentine's Day?

Warmest regards,

Lunalove

New York, Can I have it all?

Earlier this week I attended a professional development conference in New Orleans, Louisiana. I was surrounded by experts, professionals and leaders in my field. It was a great experience and I came back to my NYC job full of ideas for my department to move forward. Ok,this blog is not going to be about my findings and notes which I still have to put together and email my colleagues but its about something more serious: I saw a huge question mark!

At the moment, my field like many others continues to change because those who once hoarded this field are now dying or retiring which is leaving room for younger professionals to take leadership roles. I myself have just stepped into one of those positions at age 27. Three years ago a career adviser told me that by the time I was 40 I could be assistant director or director, well – I can’t wait to send him my new business card. YAY

Anyway, out of the 800 professionals from all over the country, there were the few 40-45 professionals who were between the ages of 26-36. It was strange to see them there and after getting over the small shock I approached each and every one of them over the course of 3 days and did the small talk, only to find out that they were young, mostly women, leading professionals and married!!!!!

Stunning rings and impressive titles- Hello Universe, are you reading this? It’s all I want!! And don’t judge me because there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married and starting a family.

Sarah Palin, Jennifer Lopez, Hilary Clinton...why can they have it all?

How was this possible? When did they find the time to work over time, write proposals, never fail, rise above challenges, get pushed around by tenured faculty AND date, commit and marry? Did they have friends, were they happy, did they sell their souls to the devil and why did they look so happy? Ok, let’s continue the small talk…. "So what school do you work for?" "Oh where is that?" A small town in... Minnesota, Colorado, Seattle, a city in Texas that I still can’t pronounce...and I am bilingual, New Hampshire, Upstate NY (been to that small town..yikes), North Carolina, Illinois- "oh yes I know Illinois…Chicago I said." “Oh no it’s about a two hour drive from the airport, it’s a small town.” OH. I was not going to give up my research now, so I actually download a map application to figure out where these towns were...this felt horrible as I was GREAT at USA geography.

OH SHIT Einstein! This is the very important variable….AHHHHHA. Is NYC the problem? After all…location, location, location.

I did meet a 34 year old women who was engaged from the tri-state area…well Jersey City, but isn’t that a city? yea, a 34 year old bride.....but im not judging.

I am not making any excuses but most of the time I am mentally and physically exhausted and meeting someone is the last thing I think about. I go to the bar to get a drink, period! I don't want to talk about work and what i do, that's why i am drinking, and i don't care about your Wall Street job, they all sound the same...BORING!

I also love giving to my career and I am not willing to give any less. So I will do what is logical, point my finger at another direction.

Are men in NYC even thinking about commitment and marriage and dating a successful independent young professional lady with character?  Men in other cities, towns or communities do not sign up for online dating, they do however marry. They marry because after college, you have a few years to yourself; you pick a career, then you pick a lady and marry her. They are logical! You marry her because it’s part of life’s expectations to settle down and start a family before your libido stops or more importantly because its what is important in life…love and family and taking turns doing the dishes.

I dated a guy who was using maca power, an indigenous ingredient to keep it up! Why didn’t he stop and think about settling down 5 years before his 34th birthday? Well because he was living the NYC bachelor life to the fullest at age 34...all alone because his buddies got the memo and are happy going to their 2 year old play date. But he is left dating 26 year old who he feels are to passionate for him. Drink more maca if you are reading this and things would be leveled.

Another factor is that there are so many women in NYC that men can select the model looking one. I noticed that the women at the conference were not close to being super models, if anything I felt like the skinny bitch around them asking for my dressing on the side and choosing either dessert or an appetizer...why could they have both? Appetizer/dessert and career/marriage?

Ok, back to NYC where I feel like a fat cow and where weight watchers is my relationship.

Choices choices choices…..well I can move to a small town and live the fairytale life where a guy sees me in the supermarket, asks me for my number, courts me for 6 months and takes to the altar.

Or

I could filter the NYC drama and get over it by adding MORE confidence to SELF.

I am looking at the Universe and fearlessly saying, I will have it all. I will have my career which makes me happy, I will buy my own property in the near future, I will find the man that looks like Mark Sanchez and Damon Salvatore, I will eat an appetizer and dessert at dinner time and I will marry and still live in the city
that is home to me.

The plan is simple- just keep doing what i am doing, after all 2011 is my year!

I can have it all..... in.....NEW YORK.

Hit me up if someone wants to explore Jersey City with me.. LOL!

Feeling great,
Lunalove

Tea & Hope

And so it is that the Universe is very kind to me. Last night I met up with a very nice guy. He was a gentleman and it’s very pleasant to meet a nice soul.

1- He planned the date
2- He added very intelligent and funny points to our conversation
3- He asked important questions
4- He was very polite
5- He walked to me to the train station
6- He made me feel special
7- He texted me when I got home and asked if I would like to have dinner with him.

See, I don’t ask for much! He was very sweet and I had a very good time. I think we could be very good friends.

Why friends? Well, to be honest he was shorter than me. I’m beginning to feel like a giant these days.

My Universe likes to laugh so of course I wore my 3 inch heels and the coffee lounge was stand only. Throughout the night I was reminded that there was a height difference, but besides his shortcoming…. (LOL) I still would go on a second date because it is nice to be around smart, ambitious, sweet, and respectful men.

Thank you dear Universe for adding flame to my Hope Kettle...I am trusting you!

Best,
Lunalove

I love pork but that is an ugly pig! Am I expecting too much?

I am not going to:
Wash my hair. Straighten my hair. Get a manicure. Wear my going out coat because it’s not warm enough. Wear my skinny jeans or a dress. Wear my 3 inch booties. Use my expensive perfume. Read up on the latest political, economic and social news. Go for drinks because they are now 4 points and no longer 2 points and I rather save them for my social nights with my girls.

These are all small rituals that I do when getting ready for a date. I make sure I look my best, smell my best and my mind is up to date with things we can discuss. Am I trying to hard? NO!!! This is the least I can do for someone who is taking their time to meet up with me. There is only one requirement- he must do the same thing. What is the least he could do?

I expect:
Brush your teeth. Make sure your breath is OK. Arrive on time (I’ve worked on this). Plan the date in advance. Wear something presentable. Be able to talk about things so that you could STOP staring at my boobies.

Am I expecting too much?
For those who say yes, I will not give up. I will not settle. I know what I am looking for and what I deserve. Chivalry is expected. I compliment your shirt, you should find something, my scent, my hair, my jewelry, my outfit, my smile--- SOMETHING to compliment. Grow some balls and compliment the lady, after all you are on a date not meeting up with your BFF. You say you will find a place- then text or email me the place in advance because I don’t want to walk into a dive bar with my J-Crew jacket or to a A-list wine bar with my sneakers. Your local bar that is around the corner from your apartment doesn’t count as finding a place. Please tell your friends AKA the bartenders to stop staring at me. Also, if this is your local bar- no big deal, the bill was $9.00- I had one drink you had two, so why did I put in more than half? My cab ride to and form was $30.00! I am all about going dutch but that was not dutch; math is not my strength but I'm pretty sure of that. But after all I am a kind person and I gave us the opportunity so I laughed and I made the best out of it. I asked you questions and I was polite.... but don’t take my kindness for something else......NOOOO, I don’t want to see your apartment; I have fallen for that trick already pal. Are you really 34 years old?

Well no big deal buddy!
You picked an inconvenient bar at the last minute- so I know the phrase “treat her like a lady” means nothing to you. You were one hour late- so how important was this? Lastly, you bashed a religious faith, your former faith/culture and that of your ancestors (you are lucky it wasn’t mine but it sure made me uncomfortable) Yes, I will cut you off because I don't want to hear anymore about your tattoo and your anti-religious expressions. I love pork but that is an UGLY PIG..hmm there's a parallel here.

So I have a choice—do I give up?
Or do I applauded my courage and pray that the Universe will continue to nurture my HOPE. Yes, that’s what I will do. I will find butterflies again.

My great friend StellaBunz once told me, “you know what you want and that’s amazing” I didn’t see what was so amazing about that but now I do.

I know what I want and I am going to hold that close to me.

So the next date I might just wear a pony tail because it’s on Thursday and my “wash my hair” doesn’t come up again until Friday. I also want tea because I am not using 4 points on another 1st date. I’ve decided to wear my special perfume on the second date. Daisy’s from Marc Jacobs hasn’t been on sale in months.


PS. If this sounds like i am angry- I AM! But it's only a matter of time before it leaves my system. :)
XoS,
Lunalove321

Re-learning a lesson

This week I kept wondering if I am single because I continue to make the same mistakes while dating. I asked myself, “Do I date outside the box?” “Do I learn from my mistakes? “What are of the lessons I’ve learned?” Gathering the lessons was hard and I still kept telling myself “grow up, it’s time to grow up!”

Life spoke to me loudly last night. Life let me take this test again.

C was supposed to come over for dinner. We have been talking for a little more than a year but things have always been casual. While I have a good time with him I also know he isn’t ready for a monogamist relationship. In the New Year I decide to color outside of the lines. I invited him for dinner. He has been asking to taste my cooking since this summer. He was very excited and we set 7pm Friday night.

I enjoy cooking- it puts me in a trance that I really enjoy. Thursday night I went to Key Foods and bought all the ingredients for this meal. I carried them up to my apartment and seasoned the chicken. Friday morning I woke up early to wash and blow out my hair and I rushed home Friday afternoon to get started. I kept justifying cooking for this guy by telling myself that I love to do it- but honestly this was becoming a project.

7pm I received a text that he was going to be late and instead of over reacting I stayed calm.

Now it was 8, 9, 9:15, 9:40…I send him a text and he apologized but he needed to shower because he just got a haircut. Reasonable, but why get a haircut on a Friday when you had dinner plans…then lighting struck!

I am not his priority not even for this night; a night that took me a lot of work to pull together. All I want is to be someone’s priority or come before a haircut….at least for one night.

I wasn’t sure I wanted him over- I was hungry and I took the knife and craved the chicken and ate my plate of delicious roasted chicken with Spanish rice.

So many things ran through my head:
1- In a relationship you must be patient
2- In a relationship you must be flexible
3- In a relationship you must be kind
4- In a relationship…

WAIT- I wasn’t in a relationship and I was kind enough by shopping, cooking, cleaning and waiting for him.

I was here before- waiting for a guy, making him a priority and being really flexible, cooking and then not being appreciated. I wanted to show myself that I had some respect for me. I called him.

I told him I’ve been waiting and 11pm was not my idea of dinner especially when I had been working hard all week. I told him I was tired and he asked to reschedule. He heard my silence and I nodded.

He then played the sad puppy card “it’s all my fault, I’m sorry” and I said thank you but its bed time not dinner time.

I’m not sure if in the dating world this is a good thing or I just ended up alone again on a Friday night- but this morning I felt like I got an A+ on the same test I once scored a C-.

Thanks Life…I know I am going somewhere!

Best,
Lunalove

11 things I love right now!

Today is 1-11-11 and while it is just like any other day, I wanted to send the Universe a message. This is 11 things I am grateful for and bring me happiness.

11- My Android Galaxy- its all I need to manage my life- Mint to manage my finances, points calculator to manage my calories, OkCupid to manage my dates. :)

10- The Jets made the playoffs!!! Besides seeing Mark Sanchez in his aggressive sexy game, I’ve enjoyed football season more then ever because of the beautiful ladies and gentlemen I watch it with. We need our own Meet-up club for the Spring.

9- My huge winter jacket- its not pretty but it keeps me warm so I am not afraid of the cold anymore. This way I get to mingle despite the NYC frigidness.

8- All the single ladies on twitter and their tweets and blogs about dating. It’s great to have a community of people who are on similar journeys- cheers!

7- Self and Glamour Magazine- they are the perfect combination of health, beauty and life tips.. for now.

6- My DVR- I get home and get to watch Sex and the City (again) Chelsea Lately and the round table- including Ross, Josh, Sarah, Chuy and Jo Joy who I am seeing this month. Rules of Engagement, Modern family, The Vampire Diaries and all my favorite shows when ever I please!

5- Weight Watchers Point Plus- I get to eat healthy, feel good and loss weight. I made it through the 1st week and nothing is stopping me now. I feel so mature when I get in the kitchen and prepare a healthy meal. It’s giving me control and I’m feeling really good.

4- I still have a job and although I’m waiting for the official certificate I am counting on my tenure! It’s been 3 years and I feel confident about the work I do. It’s a good feeling.

3- My horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler- this book gave me confidence- very few things can give me that….thank you!

2- My apartment- oh boy what a haven..5 months in and I never take it for granted! Netflix, bed, comfy sofa, peace, silence, tranquility… priceless—well it comes with a price tag.

1- My 16 year old cousin wrote this on her tumbler about me- I humbly bow to her light!
"You have always been one of the most influential people to me. You have also never failed to show how much you love me. You are one of the most brilliant, amazing women I know and if I could be anything like you when I’m older I’d be one of the most grateful and luckiest people alive. The most important thing that I’ve learned from you growing up, is that it’s always possible to rise from your mistakes, no matter how much damage is done. I can go on and on about what you’ve taught me but you are truly one of the greatest people I know. I love you so much."



Have you counted your blessings today? What’s on your 11 list?

Love and light,
Luna

Sweet Pumpkin Pie

I think I have a crush on my neighbor down below.

He lives downstairs from me with his very sweet girlfriend- Desiree. Back in September I invited my some friends over to a “happy hour” at my place. The happy hour turned out to be many many many hours and after a few too many glasses of wine, sangria and beer I decided to go outside for some air.

That’s when I saw Texas, let’s call him Texas- I think he is from Texas. I like guys from Texas.

When I drink I get SUPER happy and EVERYONE is my BFF. So I greeted him and I can’t remember what I said but two weeks later he felt like I had opened a line of communication with him and he asked if he could borrow my internet. I was on my way out for drinks that night and said yes anytime. (But I don’t think I really meant it- see I’m from New York, we don’t let strangers into our apartment)

He came the next morning and I looked like a NYC M2 bus hit me and then the ferry took me for a ride.

I let him in but suddenly my protective senses (PS) woke up. My PS are always on vacation, I’m the girl you see in the train station with her wallet wide open because I never think that anything bad is going to happen to moi. This morning they told me to tell him that I didn’t know my password to my Lunalove internet account and I had a brunch to go to so he needed to leave. I’m hardly ever that mean- gosh, stupid PS.

Months had gone by and I’ve missed his sweet, friendly non-Yorker accent- well I was bored and the NYC blizzard was giving me cabin fever and he was the closest thing to a male species. I decided to bake a pumpkin pie- I love to bake! I drank a bottle of wine by myself, I love wine also—don’t judge me, and decided to go downstairs and offer him pie, after all, isn’t that what good neighbors do?... in the movies.

To my sad surprise he wasn’t home- he was playing with his band (oh how sexy- I wondered where he plays?) and his sweet Desiree answered the door to a girl (me) with a tight white T-shirt on, no bra, and a pumpkin pie saying the following,

“Hi, is your boyfriend here, I baked him a pie. I felt bad because he came upstairs one morning and I couldn’t attend to his needs, I was wondering if he was home and wanted some pie.” and then I gave her the warmest smile ever.

That’s when I knew she wasn’t from NY either, if it was the other way around I would have lost it- who did I think I was!!!!!!!!!! She took the pie, thanked me for my kindness and closed the door. I took my accomplished ass back upstairs and ate my slice of the pie. End of story….

…..until yesterday when Mr. Sweet Texas runs into me as I was coming home and with a big smile said “thanks for the delicious pie” and I said “uh? What pie?” He smiled, and then I said “Oh yea, anytime.. happy new year!”

I'm kinda turned on...Now I can’t wait to bake for Valentine’s day… after all isn't food the way to a man's heart. LOL!

All in good spirit,
Lunalove

A Wonderful Experience: Closure.

It has taken me twenty-something years to accept that life is complicated and difficult. I also know that no break-up is easy; no matter how long or short your relationship was its not easy breaking up.

I do feel the need to address this rule of conduct with daters- please respect the art of breaking up. I really feel that people lack respect for human kind, feelings, emotional psychic and the basic fundamentals of compassion. Sometimes I want to blame it on technology, or maybe the lack of parenting or just NYC’s lifestyle. However, after I’m done spinning the “wheel of responsibility” I just make peace and move forward knowing that every experience adds to your character.

In June of 2010 I started blogging and shouting to the world that I was seriously hurt and my feelings were oozing out of me like never before. I tried to stay calm and “deal” with my feelings of loss. With everything that I did or did not do, I still felt paralyzed and traumatized!

Throughout the summer, fall and winter seasons two things occurred- I used this blog as a place to honor me and advocate for me. So, thank you! The down side was that I turned to food and this week woke up an additional 20 lbs heavier and not recognizing my own body- but 2011 started with a roar for me and I’m getting myself together. Soon I will be posting about my weight loss progress and my inner strength. I’m giving myself so much power by saying “NO” to food and “YES” to exercise.

Ok- back to this post....

Last week- 3 days before the year ended I received an email that changed the course of this New Year for me. My X-lover, the one that after 6 months of intimate and exclusive dating decided to dump me via text message and NEVER respond to my texts, calls and emails emailed me a brief update on his life and apologized. I'm not sure how sincere it really is, but nonetheless, he apologized.

He wrote,

"Sorry if I hurt you in anyway but my intentions were not to make you feel like this!!! You have so many strong feelings that you will make somebody very happy one day. I am currently in another relationship right now that I am putting all my energy and focus into! I'm sorry things between us didn't work out and I wish you the best and a fantastic start to the new year!"

Oh the tears of joy! Of course I knew all this!! I know I am wonderful (although he didn't say that, I know that is what he means by strong). I know I will make one man the luckiest man alive (yes happy, whatever he said). I know he didn’t MEAN to hurt me and I knew he had met someone else- man aren’t that complicated. While I knew all of this, I longed for the respect, honor, compassion and loyalty to what we once had and I not only wanted but as a woman and human being needed a respond, an apology and CLOSURE.

I had given up on ever finding closure with this man and then it happened. Once I read the email, I was able to remember our months together as sweet and beautiful! I was able to wish him all the best-in my mind because I have no desire to speak to someone who lacked courage, compassion and wisdom to simply send me that same email 6 months ago. He could have saved me 20 lbs and my liver from all the excess wine and could have saved my friends from all the stories about him.

Now, I get to cherish all lessons that I learned from all of this. I can feel the change, I can feel the how light my heart feels.

I must honor my character and say, I still think that every person needs to honor every relationship and ended it as respectfully as possible. Now as I move on and move forward, I will try my best not to fall so easily (thanks to this work I did with my self within these months). After this emotional ride I am in no rush to get myself involved again but this was kind of a wonderful experience.

Happy New Year Everyone!! 2011 is going to be the best year I’ve ever had- it started with me dancing my beautiful, accomplished, single and wonderful self away!

Cheers,
Lunalove

Peaceful holiday!

With all of the holiday cheers and all my single twitter-people or tweeps I got caught up with the joy of things. I usually hit the GREAT DEPRESSION when it comes to holidays. I get sad because I am single, I can not sleep, I over criticize every fiber of me and pick at all my insecurities. I either over plan my days or avoid everyone but this time around I felt peace and happiness instead of cold anxiety.

I’m excited about Christmas and what my family calls “Noche Buena.” I don’t even mind that I have to take a train to a bus to finally arrive to my mother’s house. I am bringing a pie because I want to. My mom’s policy is if you come without a plus one you do not have to bring anything, so I get to freeload off all the pluses. I just want to enjoy the songs, food (I think I’ve been enjoying this too much lately, but I’ll worry about this January 3rd), the laughter and the fact that I have a family that after all my bumps always welcome me home. Even with New Years eve- I haven’t thought that I will be dateless. I just want to leave the old and welcome the New Year with a warm big smile.

How did I get to this place of holiday peace? I think it was a lot of acceptance, zero tolerance for self-sabotaging and knowing and hoping that this is not forever. One day I will have the date on NYE and one day I will be asked to come and meet the parents and one day I will be stressing about what gift to buy my future boyfriend. I’m a catch- I know this will happen! For now, I want to embrace the peace and blessings that I have and think about all the possibilities and opportunities that 2011 can bring me.

I think I caught myself ;-)

Happy Holidays… best,
Lunalove

A SUPER BOWL week

This past week, while out in the bar scene, I scored not once but twice! TOUCHDOWN ALL THE WAY- well not exactly but twice in one week a stranger walked over to me and asked me for my digits…talk about a confidence booster to end the year!

A bit of history about me and maybe this excitement will make sense.

1)I NEVER GET ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!
2)Summer 2009- last time someone asked me for my number at a bar- we texted once of twice but that was it.
3)Summer 2010- a stranger buys me dinner; the sweet romantic way where I ask for my bill and the waitress tells me that the man that just walked out paid for my food. He didn’t leave a number but it was a great achievement or moment for me.
4)Summer 2010- present- well let’s just say I get my confidence from online dating.

As I am trying to “put in the work” to meet people and also noticing my unsuccessful track record with online dating, I am trying to meet someone the old fashion way AKA, a stranger walks over to you, compliments you and asks you if he could call you or take me out some time.

I thought I was setting myself up for disappointment because I’m not a fashionista, so I will not attract men with my feminine silhouette and I am not forward enough to even smile at a stranger—

So my mantra has been- go out there and have some fun! Isnt this what every coach tells their players?

TOUCHDOWN # 1

Last Monday during the Jet’s defeat a very nice gentleman approached my friend and asked her if I was single. (Do I appear like I am with anyone when I go out?) She asked me to speak to him but I kept screaming at my fantasy boyfriend QB Mark Sanchez and ignored her suggestion. But then the gentleman proceeded to HUNT further and he did the traditional....

“I think you are very attractive, my name is Allan, is it okay if I talk to you for a little bit?” So we chatted, I smiled, and he asked me for my number!!! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!! Throughout the week he texted me but of course it has died down and he didn’t seal the deal with a date. His lost, I still scored.

TOUCHDOWN # 2

This one came out of no where! Saturday night, a spontaneous night out with my girlfriend, I met another toad, who I really hope I can soon kiss and find out if he is a prince. My friend and I wanted some air and walked outside the lounge. There were two gentlemen who immediately started talking to us. I think it was my smile or my sarcastic response to his guess of my ethnicity that hooked him in. He moved closer to me and asked me about a million questions in about 3 minutes “ What’s your name? Where are you from? What do you do? Where do you live?” I decided to go back inside and shook his hand..(That was weird from me but it just happened.. I guess his energy made me a bit nervous.)

Two minutes later he says hello again and asked if he could buy me a drink. Was this really happening to me? For the next hour the other 2 million questions were asked “what do you like to eat? Where did you go to school? Do you like to travel? Are you married, engaged, single..and why?” I finally asked him a few questions because although I do not like to be interviewed this time I just felt good about the same questions I am asked on every date. He said he was a psychotherapist originally from Ohio or Illinois with German background (which I guessed) and now resides in Manhattan. NO WONDER IT WAS SO EASY TALKING TO HIM, its what he does for living. So my friend tried to pry us apart and he got the hint and asked for my number and left to another bar. TOUCHDOWN!!

In the morning I felt really good about him and I hoped he would call or text. He did and although he asked to see me again on Saturday and said "it was really nice meeting you", we did not confirm anything. So now I am left wondering if we are meeting Saturday evening or not….but I do want to see him again.

So maybe that stupid advise that people give me and I refuse to believe does work “you meet people when you are not looking.”

I have a good feeling about the therapist so send me all your positive and GRAND energies….

Best,
Lunalove

..and just like that I knew....

“The very 1st time I saw him I knew he was the one.” How many times have you heard this? A lot?.... me too! “It’s like you don’t know what you are looking for but when you find him you definitely know.”

This almost fairytale message gives me so much hope and I am a believer.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare with my X lover and throughout the day I pulled all my coping strategies so I would not PANIC.

1- I spoke to myself in the shower

2- I cried

3- I journal

4- I listened to happy music

5- I wrote my feelings to two completely different people with polar personalities

6- I gave myself permission to think about him

7- I reminded myself of all the bad qualities he has

8- I reminded myself of all the great qualities that I have

9- I accepted the situation by reliving it and then I let it go

10- I went to the gym, as much as I hate going to that place I went.



So by mid-afternoon I was okay again and another important question dawned upon me.


Every winter my office-mates ask me what color I am going to paint my office. This Friday will make my 3rd year anniversary at this job, and for 3 years I could not decide on what color to paint my office. I just don’t like any of the colors I have seen and I did not want to COMMIT to PAINT.. that’s like eternal! I would stay white until I found the perfect color. So my aggressive me asked as politely as possible, “what the hell are you waiting for, pick a color” and then my passive me said as direct as possible, “I am not ready, I don’t like any of the colors, do not pressure me with my choice.”


Then as I was walking back to my office from my 20 minute cardio work out, I took a different route… (Oprah said I should take different routes when I am not feeling too great.) As I entered the “new” stair cases I suddenly saw birds, and lights, and angels and THE COLOR!!!

Aggressive and passive me both agreed that we could not only live with this color but it was a happy lavender.

LAVENDER is not in my favorite color schemes (but then I open up my blog page and feel silly, guess it is now)- but as soon as I saw the color I fell in love…...and just like that I knew it was the one!

"The one" has been staring about me all this time and closer then I thought and not in my "list" of things I like... guess that's just the way it goes.

So the hope is there…. One day I will see the birds, angels and lights with a man, my life partner.. until then... I will keep loving me and keeping hope alive.



Best,

Lunalove

Letting go.. a little bit easier!

Three years ago I was on the "N" train crossing the Brooklyn Bridge on my way to work. That weekend I had signed a 3 year lease on a 2008 car. It also coincided with my new job and my leap to new beginnings but I could only think about one thing, “What would my life be like 3 years from now, winter of 2010?” I thought, “Maybe I would be in a relationship.” Obviously we all know the answer to that one....

Three years later I am not in a relationship and due to the economy I returned the lease and opted to save money instead of owning a car. However, I learned some priceless lessons about letting go.

As I was returning my car I felt a sense of loss. I am very fortunate to have all my family members, even the ones I don’t like- therefore I have not experience a tragic loss. The biggest sense of loss has been with a boy leaving me- abandoning me. This is one of the reasons why when I get dumped it feels like a funeral (sometimes a Russian funeral because I bring out the Vodka). I just have not lost a lot of people or things in this lifetime (knock on wood)- well besides my wallet that I used to lose every season- but all of that was replaceable. It's hard for this lady to deal with relationship loss so life is teaching me how to "let go."

So....how would I deal with not having my baby Emmanuel, my car!! We shared so many great moments especially on my road trip to Georgia with my best friend and driving to D.C to see another X-lover. But none the less I took this weekend to get it together and made some connections between letting my car go and letting my past lover(s) go.

1- I no longer have to wake up early or stay up late looking for the right street to park my car in.
a. Without my X-lover I don’t have to worry if I am getting my period or what time he will call or if he will call and most importantly his snoring doesn’t wake me up. I dont have to WONDER!

2- I get to save money!
a. I have time for self development- like taking a cake decorating class which I am doing next month. Money equals freedom and without my X-lover I am flying solo and can be anywhere and leave at whatever time I please!

3- It’s done so I cant bring it back by thinking about it.
a. He left, so I cant bring him back by thinking about him. It's simple- i get the sitting in with feelings and dealing with them but after a while and its been about 6 months, he is not coming back! My thoughts can be used somewhere else.

4- I get to think of my next car
a. I get to think about my next lover- the one without he big nose, who doesn’t snores and sleeps with his sexually frustrated dog. I get to think about the next big thing!! YESSSSSSSSS

I cherish the moments and count the blessings and lessons that I learned but it’s OKAY to let go and move. (this is about my car and my X-lover)

So letting go just means more empty space or less baggage. As soon as I left the car dealership my purse was literally lighter and I’m applying the lightness to my heart-why chase someone who doesn’t want to be loved by me, its best to embrace the lightness I have because he is out of my awesome life!

Letting go is easier then I make it out to be- there is no point in holding on to a car/love that is no longer mine. It’s best to test drive new cars and lovers for my future investment.

..and just like the imagine I am a beautiful lady letting go of the balloons that I know are not coming back!

Best,
Lunalove

DailyOM- Part of the Process

I think this Daily Om is great! This summer i felt stuck more then ever in my life. When I closed my eyes I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean without a breeze.. just STUCK! This Om...was helpful and I wanted to share it with you. Life is hard, change is hard, the unknown is hard, but all the Universe is asking from us is a small step and the rest will follow.

Best,
Lunalove

Part of the Process
Feeling Stuck
If you are feeling stuck in your life, it is possible you are clinging to an old reality or thoughts.


When we feel stuck in our lives it's important to take stock of what is going on and find out if there is something we are doing or not doing that is keeping us stuck. Sometimes the situation is out of our control, and we need to look within to find the patience required to wait with equanimity until things move forward again. Many times, though, we can find the source of our stagnation in our own hearts and minds. Sometimes we are clinging to old ideas about reality and we need to make adjustments that will bring us back in tune with life, so we can flow again. Sometimes we find that fear of change is what's keeping us stuck, and we can resolve to find ways of facing that fear.

If introspection does not provide the answers we need, it can sometimes be helpful to ask those around you if they notice anything obvious that you might not be able to see. Remember to ask someone whom you can trust to be kind and sensitive as well as honest. Try to let go of your resistance because whenever there is something we can't see ourselves, it's because we don't want to see it. Try to listen with an open mind, and remember that you are always the final judge of what you need. Anything offered to us from an outside source will need to be processed within before its wisdom can take hold.
In all this, be kind to yourself and remember that we all get stuck sometimes. Think of it as a part of your process, a necessary step on your journey, rather than as a problem that shouldn't be happening. This can help to keep your frustration at bay and give you the space you need to take a deep breath and really figure out what's going on.

http://www.dailyom.com/

Things I love Right now..

27 YEARS OLD!

Two months ago I turned 27 years old-yes not young but old. I am a fairly optimistic person so it’s strange that I do not use young at the end of 27. Relatively I know I am still young but not as young as when people tell me in their pity voices, “don’t worry about being single, you are still so young.”

The most obvious greatness about this age is that I am happier with myself. I feel at peace, secure and very comfortable. The not so great lingering thought is when people- and it happens about once a week, tell me that I am young. It usually happens when they ask me about my dating life. I don’t get too worked up about their “you are young” comment as much as I get upset with myself for agreeing!

So yes, I smile back and say yes I am still young, I have not met Mr. Right but I am still young!!!

YEA right- the honest truth is that I do not think I am that young. I come from a traditional Latino home and 27 and single is a red flag for “you might not be gay but maybe you don’t like men.” But forget what my family thinks, when I go to bars, I am no longer the 24 year old single girl with a great smile and looking for a nice evening. I am the 27 year old single who is usually with the 2 other couples (yes I’m usually a 5th wheel.) Ok, so I am over bar scene so I hang out with my friends but i cant help but think that their lives are so much different then mine because they have been in their live in relationships for years and i am the "other."

It’s okay that I am single but let’s not say that I am young in this context….

I am 27 and have been an over achiever for most of my life. It’s hard when I keep pushing the marriage/mother age as I continue to do.

Furthermore, last night I went to a young professional singles event and I felt like a chaperon; most of the attendees where between 22-25 years young. 27 is not far from 25 but it’s closer to 30.

My job for self improvement this week is to appreciate all that comes with my age- I surely do not want to do the mistakes I did at 24 so I am much more comfortable here, but if people could be more sensitive and realistic about 27, that would help a lot. The next time someone says “you are still young” I will agree to disagree. For grandkids I am young for a date on a Friday night I am past due.

I can not control not being with Mr. Right but I can control how I react and how i communicate my feelings with others.

By Lunalove

1/2 of My Generation

I get an upset stomach when I think of that new “hit” television show “My generation.”

10 years is a lot to review and why remind me of the past? After the show is over I am left feeling so depressed, so I stopped watching it. I am not saddened by my own life, but by the idea of knowing how much can happen in the next 10 years. NOPE I don’t like it!

I had lunch with a college friend, also my X-lover. He reminded me that it’s been 5 years since commencement. So I did an exercise that is worth doing. I shifted thoughts and did some simple positive thinking.

Here is what I thought about:

Professional/Career
5years ago- I was applying to NYC teaching fellows and Teach for America.
What has happened since (WHHS) I made NYCTF, I earned a Masters in Education. I did not like it, I found a job in higher education and now I am waiting for my tenure decision…tick tock tick tock

Habitat
5 Years ago- I was living with my friends in Johnson City, NY. I was not even thinking of how many “homes” I will have in the years to come.
WHHS? I moved back home, then with my friend where our apartment was broken into, then I moved by myself and I realized I was not ready for that, then with my other friend and then back home and now I am living alone. Now I am ready!

Love (of course)
5 years ago-
Single and trying to see if my X boyfriend and I would have another chance since I was moving back to NYC.
WHHS? We tried but ended up breaking up for good. I tried so hard to move on, forget, heal, and date again. I dated some interesting people.
1- The sexy and hot marine/secret agent. He was not for me- too controlling and I learned not to date a man who is trying to get a divorce
2- The sexy social worker- he was working more on his social life then anything else.
3- The trader- he broke my heart but I put it back together.

What has happened in your life these past 5 years?

LunaLove

Just dance...

Something happened last night around 7 or 8 o’clock, something HUGE! I was sitting watching or trying really hard to find something to watch besides the Yankee game and I felt a very powerful energy lift me up and I started dancing in my living room. Yes- all alone, just dancing, excreting energy, but let me explain something about myself, and this will all make sense.

When I was younger, I knew I had way too much energy for my own good. My mother new that as well and would tell me “control your self” -HA, but I did not know how. The best thing my mom could think of was to put me in teams in school- so I played for the Lady Jaguars, then Lady General’s basketball team in middle school and joined a bowling league on the weekends while attending Catholic classes and keeping my grades above a 90 average. Then in high school I joined the cheerleading team and excelled without knowing much about gymnastic but by tryouts I had one of the best toe-touchs on the team. All this however was not enough, I would always feel a crazy energy around 7 or 8 o’clock and I would just dance in my living room. I did this alone or in front of people because I could not think of any thing else to do with such a powerful energy. In college, I did the same thing. My poor roommate thought I was crazy for dancing in front of a mirror and somewhere around sophomore year I stopped dancing. Something changed, I lost myself; something was taken away from me. Maybe it’s when my depression started—yea that was it, I have not been the same person in my own skin since then. Until last night—I started dancing again and WOW what joy I felt. I welcomed myself!

I danced and a wave of answers and clarity entered my space. I thought of how happy I was and could only think of one thing, I said thank you- “I have all I’ve ever wanted and its time for more.” I danced for about 10-15 minutes and suddenly got really tired- more tired then usual, so tired I was asleep by 9:30.

So this is what I did in an hour and some of the things that totally made sense:

1- I researched a Catholic Young Adults group in Park Slope and signed up for their next bar-hopping, I mean church-hopping event. This group is made up of young, professional catholic’s from Brooklyn and they even have happy hour events! I never thought in a million years I would find such a group.

2- I penciled myself to attend the next Sunset Park community council meeting because I love my neighborhood and I want to be part of its voice.

3- I signed up to Chimestrydotcom again!! CRAZY, right? Well, I thought- You are giving your X-lover (lets call him Peter) too much power, and he is controlling you without being present in your life. You got hurt, but you learned a lot about men, dating, and yourself- while online dating has its cons it’s also an easy way to meet men. Peter is just one mistake- so I decided that I am more than ready to mingle again. I am not scared and I want to jump right in with both feet again. If my birthday wish is going to come true I have to put in the work and while not dating was what I needed it is no longer what I need or want.

4- Lastly, for so long I’ve wanted to get back into the gym but I could not find any motivation. I would wake up and instead of heading out, I would tell myself "like you 10 pounds over weight, you're sexy." I waited kindly and patiently until last night I said, “Its time to get in shape and take care of your body, lady- healthy is sexier.” This morning I signed up!! I’ll be heading to a gym in a nice neighborhood.....

I common thread with all of the above- they are all positive things that I have wanted to do but did not have the energy, faith or courage. Someone told me to put in the work into your love life, because fairytales are for Disney- so all of the above can lead me to meeting new people. If I want to meet my soul mate, half-orange, life partner, boyfriend, baby-daddy..whatever you want to come THAT GUY I am looking for, then I have to put in the work, but not desperately, I have to put myself out there and do things I enjoy…....this is what people have been telling me but suddenly it made perfect sense. I know what I like and want to do, I am not afraid of myself or others and creating opportunities is my part of the “work I have to put in.”

A lot happened in that hour and then someone tweeted me “tomorrow is a full moon” and while people think its hocus pocus, I am very in tune with the moon (I mean -LUNA), Universal energies, and I am not afraid but embracing ALL of it! Time is needed to heal and its time for me to move forward, forget about what everyone one thinks and just dance!

BEST,
Lunalove

Honestly...

Yesterday was not a good morning. I woke up to a message from my aunt, “your mom is trying to call you because your car was hit, call her.” After a chaotic morning of many calls with Geico, towing and mechanics, I was handed a $5,500 bill for all my car damages. I refused to feel like a victim and I chose to deal with the problem. (CRAP can i get a break, can I get my birthday wish to come true?) I headed to work, the work that owes me over $500 and simply said they were sorry for not knowing where my check was. After work, I went to my grandparent’s apartment because they always seem to know how to make me feel protected. I got home around 10pm and did not drink a glass of wine and opted for sleep- yes sleep will be better than a glass or two. I woke up this morning and paid all my bills and although I got paid last night, I have no money to go out tonight and possibly meet a nice guy. But I looked at the bright side, I have a great warm apartment and for all its worth, I am happy here and I will continue to fight to keep this peace of mind. I make a call to a friend and continue to listen to music while I clean. My youngest sister sends me a text message after I told her to call me and tells me “Jonathan asked me to be his girlfriend and I met his mother, of course I said yes.”

I immediately wanted to journal my feelings because let’s be honest, as a 27 year old woman I would like someone that I find to be a catch ask me to be their girlfriend. I recall that the last time that happened I was 19 years old. Of course I said, I have a job, a home, and health, I cannot stress the things I do not have. Instead of journaling I thought, let me blog, let me be honest with myself and my feelings. Como me duele! This hurts! My sister isn’t more deserving of this then me. I am super happy for her but I can’t help but wonder did cupid skip me?

She is 24, she makes a lot more then I do as a nurse and she is healthy, happy and beautiful. So what am I doing wrong? Wrong would be a year or two of bad choices but nearly a decade is pretty horrible. I saw my therapist this week and he said “you have to put in the work, be more social, get out there meet brothers, cousins, men!

Honestly…..

Have I been in the wrong places? Is 8 years still considered the “wrong time”? I’m I really not that good of a person that a simple, honest, good, nice guy will not be able to court me?


I’m not ugly, I have a sense of humor, a job, I can cook, I can contribute ideas, thoughts, and even health care to a relationship, so why am I invisible?
As I fall in love with myself I have learned a lot and I am ready to implement my lessons again but I can’t help but wonder what am I doing wrong. (well I jotted a few things down and I will refrain for drinking more than one glass on a 1st date- men can’t take my “realness” sometimes lol)

So I have a plan, instead of wallowing in my misery and pinot, I will wash my hair, cut my nails and put on a happy face. I will meet my girlfriend for dinner tonight, but I can’t help but think- that’s exactly what you are doing wrong. I am hanging out with my grandparents on a Friday night, I am hanging out with my soon to be wife friend on a Saturday night and I am going to watch football in a bar on a Sunday afternoon (guys do no seek for girls on a Sunday afternoon when the Giants and Jets are playing, I know better).

I am over the online dating, I am very happy spending time with my grandparents, friend, and football, but my therapist is right, what work am I putting in? I can’t help but think that my life is ridiculous, it’s not normal and this is painful!
So I am being honest- if you are reading this and you know of a single guy who is 5’11+, who is generally happy with himself and would like to have tea or coffee one day, please send him my twitter name!! I am telling the universe that I am not afraid of my yearnings and I am a fighter but I want to build bridges not walls..

Of course since I have caught myself I can’t help but think-I am perfect as is! I am happy and unlucky are you if you don’t meet me! I’ll meet the right person soon, I know I will! Two happy people coming right up…I know I am something special so special takes a little longer to prepare!

Ahh I feel better! :D

Best lunalove!

Updates

So I dont want to blog about singlehood and stuff like that all the time. It's time to bring "funny" and current events into this blog. Stay tune! :D

Settling.. not an option for me.

A few days ago I met a friend for a brief drink. Oh that pinot grigio was so good. Lately I’ve been having trouble finding a good combination of $ and taste. Anyway,as we exchanged updates and gossiped, she asked me if I’ve met anyone lately.

Is it really that easy? After she told me she was probably going to break up with her boyfriend because she settled into this relationship and did not see it going anywhere after 2 years of dating, she told me that I should consider the following:

1- Settling
2- Not just settling for someone who you do not have chemistry with but who could possibly not have a chance with a female like me and would never leave me.

“Oh yea” I said, dumbfounded.

Is that the SECRET? LMAO- even if I brainwash myself to settle, it wouldn’t work. I am not a pleasant person when I am not happy.

Do girls really settle? Am I reaching too far? I can’t settle now, I won’t settle now. Maybe at 33 I will go to a sperm bank but that’s only is I have the salary to raise my child alone, but settling has really become something else. I think I will settle for my sofa, extra 10 pounds I’ve gain and my cup of noodles, neither of these will tragically complicate my life.

My single life and “catching myself as a fall” is developing into I love myself too much to settle.

By Lunalove,