Peaceful holiday!

With all of the holiday cheers and all my single twitter-people or tweeps I got caught up with the joy of things. I usually hit the GREAT DEPRESSION when it comes to holidays. I get sad because I am single, I can not sleep, I over criticize every fiber of me and pick at all my insecurities. I either over plan my days or avoid everyone but this time around I felt peace and happiness instead of cold anxiety.

I’m excited about Christmas and what my family calls “Noche Buena.” I don’t even mind that I have to take a train to a bus to finally arrive to my mother’s house. I am bringing a pie because I want to. My mom’s policy is if you come without a plus one you do not have to bring anything, so I get to freeload off all the pluses. I just want to enjoy the songs, food (I think I’ve been enjoying this too much lately, but I’ll worry about this January 3rd), the laughter and the fact that I have a family that after all my bumps always welcome me home. Even with New Years eve- I haven’t thought that I will be dateless. I just want to leave the old and welcome the New Year with a warm big smile.

How did I get to this place of holiday peace? I think it was a lot of acceptance, zero tolerance for self-sabotaging and knowing and hoping that this is not forever. One day I will have the date on NYE and one day I will be asked to come and meet the parents and one day I will be stressing about what gift to buy my future boyfriend. I’m a catch- I know this will happen! For now, I want to embrace the peace and blessings that I have and think about all the possibilities and opportunities that 2011 can bring me.

I think I caught myself ;-)

Happy Holidays… best,
Lunalove

A SUPER BOWL week

This past week, while out in the bar scene, I scored not once but twice! TOUCHDOWN ALL THE WAY- well not exactly but twice in one week a stranger walked over to me and asked me for my digits…talk about a confidence booster to end the year!

A bit of history about me and maybe this excitement will make sense.

1)I NEVER GET ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!
2)Summer 2009- last time someone asked me for my number at a bar- we texted once of twice but that was it.
3)Summer 2010- a stranger buys me dinner; the sweet romantic way where I ask for my bill and the waitress tells me that the man that just walked out paid for my food. He didn’t leave a number but it was a great achievement or moment for me.
4)Summer 2010- present- well let’s just say I get my confidence from online dating.

As I am trying to “put in the work” to meet people and also noticing my unsuccessful track record with online dating, I am trying to meet someone the old fashion way AKA, a stranger walks over to you, compliments you and asks you if he could call you or take me out some time.

I thought I was setting myself up for disappointment because I’m not a fashionista, so I will not attract men with my feminine silhouette and I am not forward enough to even smile at a stranger—

So my mantra has been- go out there and have some fun! Isnt this what every coach tells their players?

TOUCHDOWN # 1

Last Monday during the Jet’s defeat a very nice gentleman approached my friend and asked her if I was single. (Do I appear like I am with anyone when I go out?) She asked me to speak to him but I kept screaming at my fantasy boyfriend QB Mark Sanchez and ignored her suggestion. But then the gentleman proceeded to HUNT further and he did the traditional....

“I think you are very attractive, my name is Allan, is it okay if I talk to you for a little bit?” So we chatted, I smiled, and he asked me for my number!!! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!! Throughout the week he texted me but of course it has died down and he didn’t seal the deal with a date. His lost, I still scored.

TOUCHDOWN # 2

This one came out of no where! Saturday night, a spontaneous night out with my girlfriend, I met another toad, who I really hope I can soon kiss and find out if he is a prince. My friend and I wanted some air and walked outside the lounge. There were two gentlemen who immediately started talking to us. I think it was my smile or my sarcastic response to his guess of my ethnicity that hooked him in. He moved closer to me and asked me about a million questions in about 3 minutes “ What’s your name? Where are you from? What do you do? Where do you live?” I decided to go back inside and shook his hand..(That was weird from me but it just happened.. I guess his energy made me a bit nervous.)

Two minutes later he says hello again and asked if he could buy me a drink. Was this really happening to me? For the next hour the other 2 million questions were asked “what do you like to eat? Where did you go to school? Do you like to travel? Are you married, engaged, single..and why?” I finally asked him a few questions because although I do not like to be interviewed this time I just felt good about the same questions I am asked on every date. He said he was a psychotherapist originally from Ohio or Illinois with German background (which I guessed) and now resides in Manhattan. NO WONDER IT WAS SO EASY TALKING TO HIM, its what he does for living. So my friend tried to pry us apart and he got the hint and asked for my number and left to another bar. TOUCHDOWN!!

In the morning I felt really good about him and I hoped he would call or text. He did and although he asked to see me again on Saturday and said "it was really nice meeting you", we did not confirm anything. So now I am left wondering if we are meeting Saturday evening or not….but I do want to see him again.

So maybe that stupid advise that people give me and I refuse to believe does work “you meet people when you are not looking.”

I have a good feeling about the therapist so send me all your positive and GRAND energies….

Best,
Lunalove

..and just like that I knew....

“The very 1st time I saw him I knew he was the one.” How many times have you heard this? A lot?.... me too! “It’s like you don’t know what you are looking for but when you find him you definitely know.”

This almost fairytale message gives me so much hope and I am a believer.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare with my X lover and throughout the day I pulled all my coping strategies so I would not PANIC.

1- I spoke to myself in the shower

2- I cried

3- I journal

4- I listened to happy music

5- I wrote my feelings to two completely different people with polar personalities

6- I gave myself permission to think about him

7- I reminded myself of all the bad qualities he has

8- I reminded myself of all the great qualities that I have

9- I accepted the situation by reliving it and then I let it go

10- I went to the gym, as much as I hate going to that place I went.



So by mid-afternoon I was okay again and another important question dawned upon me.


Every winter my office-mates ask me what color I am going to paint my office. This Friday will make my 3rd year anniversary at this job, and for 3 years I could not decide on what color to paint my office. I just don’t like any of the colors I have seen and I did not want to COMMIT to PAINT.. that’s like eternal! I would stay white until I found the perfect color. So my aggressive me asked as politely as possible, “what the hell are you waiting for, pick a color” and then my passive me said as direct as possible, “I am not ready, I don’t like any of the colors, do not pressure me with my choice.”


Then as I was walking back to my office from my 20 minute cardio work out, I took a different route… (Oprah said I should take different routes when I am not feeling too great.) As I entered the “new” stair cases I suddenly saw birds, and lights, and angels and THE COLOR!!!

Aggressive and passive me both agreed that we could not only live with this color but it was a happy lavender.

LAVENDER is not in my favorite color schemes (but then I open up my blog page and feel silly, guess it is now)- but as soon as I saw the color I fell in love…...and just like that I knew it was the one!

"The one" has been staring about me all this time and closer then I thought and not in my "list" of things I like... guess that's just the way it goes.

So the hope is there…. One day I will see the birds, angels and lights with a man, my life partner.. until then... I will keep loving me and keeping hope alive.



Best,

Lunalove