What’s your favorite color? What’s your favorite movie, book, month, holiday, blah, blah blah? How many times do people still ask you these questions as adults, especially on those lame 1st dates or phone conversations? Well, my answer has always been, “it depends, I don’t have favorites, because they change all the time.” I thought that was my honest answer, but some people thought I was crazy for not having favorites to market myself with. See, the thing about me is that I have to be honest, and if it doesn’t make sense to me, then I don’t share it. But of course I had a list of 3-5 things in each category that I kept around as potential favorites, just in case I didn’t want to explain to people my philosophy on favorites (I never met someone that “got” my concept, as if I failed 2nd grade for not having a favorite). Lately, (since I have been really looking at myself) I have been re-discovering things that I really like and I have been building on these things.
When I was younger, the color yellow and orange made me really happy; just looking at them gave me a reason to explore, but somewhere along the lines, maybe 5th grade, blue and red became the “popular” colors so I had to choose team red or team blue, so I chose blue. Blue has become my favorite color but I didn’t know why because blue does not really do anything for me. This is the same thing/feeling I have for so many things- music, films, hobbies, food, drinks, tv shows, and the list goes on. So I’ve been looking back and looking at me and asking me what the honest favorite is, even if when I say I love yellow and orange people look at me like I am from Mars. I also like flowers and floral prints and for some reason I gave up on them because people used to call me an “old lady” for liking flowers! So as I think about me today and my future, a lot of stress is just lifting away because I am removing the fears and the pressures and just being me and guess what, I am falling in love with me!
So two months of this journey are wrapping up and I am so proud of my achievements. They are not many, but I’ve explored my anger with men, I have re-design my vision board, I have shifted wants and needs and I have admitted to myself that I like flower prints, even floral bed sheets and if you don’t like it, then that’s okay, it makes me happy. Oh, and yellow and orange are two colors that make me smile and thinking about them makes me want to be a Crayola!
The great thing is that I’ve stopped acting for the public and now I have more time to enjoy myself and I love it! I am having a great time with me and living in the moment and feeling all 5 senses at a time is a great blessing- almost feels surreal.
The other day I saw the book “Where the wild things are.” This was amongst my favorite children’s book and I asked myself, “What in the world is this book really about?” Actually I have always wondered because in the 2nd grade I did not understand it but because I was told to chose a favorite book (and 3 little pigs was already taken- I LOVE THE 3 LITTLE PIGS AND LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD), I chose that one and 20 years later I still say it’s my favorite but I really do not get it! (I’m really lost and its sad because I studied children’s literacy- you are probably thinking why am I reading this blog, Luna is crazy)… but what I can tell you is that after days of thinking about the book, re-reading it and even watching the movie, I can say that I too saw Max in me.
I was angry, I didn’t like change and I felt like change was constant in my life. I did not want to deal with my realities and I left to another world where it was fine to just be.
During my very relaxing and therapeutic vacation to Cabos this month, I made the same decision that Max did- I wanted to come back!
Since my arrival from the wild things, I’ve been calmer, happier, focused, determined and stronger. I’m not sure if the book is a favorite children’s book but it’s a book I will keep on my bookshelf- its very nice illustrated and Max and I have a lot of things in common.
So, not to give you more work- but why are your favorites your favorites? I hope they make you feel like being a crayola or even like an old lady!
By, LunaLove
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